abuse and nurses

Today I read in the newspaper about a nurse, who while working in a Massachusetts hospital,called a waiting patients name to see the ER. doctor, the man was so angry he tried to pick up the computer and throw it at the her when he could not he jumped over the desk and began punching her in the face,the ER staff came to her rescue and security had the man in hand cuffs by the time the police arrived.When asked why he did this he said because he was tired of waiting.
Tell me when did it become alright to abuse the people trying to help you because you feel inconvenienced?
On Christmas day one of my patients brother called to say he was picking him up for lunch,when he arrived I had every thing ready for him to take his brother out.About 15 minutes later the brother stormed back on to the floor swearing at the top of his lungs about having to wait for the elevator.He wanted all the kitchen staff fired for tying up the elevator to serve the meal trays.He threatened to walk his brother down the stairs.I ran to the next floor to get the elevator and send it to our floor all the while the man continued his profanity.when i got the elevator to our floor,the man had already started walking his brother down the stairs,cane and all.I ran to assisted the patient while his brother continued to tell me about his rights and how he was being jerked around.
Why, you may ask ,did i let this man take his brother to the car? because i was afraid to be pushed down the stairs by the brother and hit with a metal cane by the 63 year old patient, who insisted he was going,I had no supervisor to call for help nor did i have any security to back me up.yes i could have called the police but the man was so out of control i feared for my safety while waiting for their arrival.
This sort of stuff is just not right no one should have to be afraid to be hurt by someone who is out of control and may be under the influence of drugs or alcohol.I am a nurse not a security guard my job is to help people not defend myself.How have we come to the point were we think it is alright to verbally or physically abuse those we feel are putting us out of our way and making us wait.No medical person deserves to be abused for doing their jobs.its very hard to get and keep good medical professionals if these people feel threatened they will move on to other jobs,if you think the wait to see a doctor or nurse practitioner is long now imagine how long your wait will be when their are fewer of them.

getting ready for the holidays

Today is december 23rd and I started to get the house in order for Saturday when my sister and her family will be coming to visit.I still have some wrapping left to do but will try to do most of it tonight,there are many things I'm pretty good at but I learned a long time ago that wrapping is not my thing,it requires to much patience and bows are way out of my league.
My sister-in-law and her husband are gone to visit their son in Ohio,they left on Sunday during the snow storm and the person who plows for them has a broken plow. every day I go over and check the estate and while there I do a little shoveling,I'm hoping that by the time they come home i will have them all shoveled out.They decided that since they will not be home for Christmas that we not exchange gifts this year,so i am going to consider this their Christmas gift.
This morning I had to run to the nursing home where I work because the patients were having their Christmas party today and I needed to get my gifts there for them.I hope they had a good time and enjoyed their party.
I have not baked anything and will not until friday night or saturday morning.I went to the grocery store yesterday and bought a small turkey,premade desserts and easy to make potatoes and vegtables which my son will put together and cook for Christmas day,since i will be working and my husband needs his holiday turkey dinner.My son is a very good cook and used to cook when he was in the army he excells when he needs to cook for 50 to 100 hungry solders, unfortunitly he will only be cooking for the three of us Thursday.
So to you and yours Merry Christmas and don't forget there are some wonderful church services Wed. night take the time to attend and remember why we are celebrating the season and if your in the Southbridge area at 5pm. and don't know where to go for a Christmas Liturgy please come to St. Michael Orthodox Church on Romanian avenue We extend our hand to you and we would certainly enjoy your company on this most holiest of nights.

stop, breath then look around

well its day number two and its still snowing, now i know how the people in Alaska must feel.we at our house have been very busy between the snow and readying our selves for the Christmas holiday.
yesterday i worked,drove home then we went to a parishioners home for food and to discuss where are church is heading in the future and how to get there.today i got up,stopped at my sister in laws house to pick something up,went to church service, stopped at ocean state job lot to get gloves and wrapping paper,helped shovel the
steps and driveway,had lunch,watched a Christmas movie,wrapped some gifts and threw supper in the oven oh yeah and some where in this mess i also did dishes and made a big pot of hot tea for all us cold shovelers.after supper I'm planning on do absolutely nothing.
its always good to get to the point where you can do not one thing.to many people feel they always have to be in motion but sometimes its just good to stop and breath.today when we got home from service i spent about 2 minutes watching a big blue bird sitting in a snow pile lifting his head up and down looking around soon several other blue birds sat in the tree above him,each taking their turn going back and forth to the feeder.while at service this morning i looked out our new windows
watching the snow fall among the tree branches and realized how beautiful it all seemed,it didn't seemed so lovely on the drive to church.Even the christmas decorations in the church seemed so much more colorful the wreathes and garland seemed greener.
when your busy you need to take the time to just be still and look,you would be amazed at all the things you can see when you are not in motion.these are the times when you are tuning in to Gods beauty and it only takes a few minutes.just because you've seen something a hundred dosen't mean you've realy looked at it.

evangalism. what is it?

tonight at our adult education class one of the things we discussed was evangelism what is it? and how do we use it? my son is 28 years old when he was growing up he was a very devout catholic attending mass,singing in the choir and he even talked about being a priest up until he graduated high school.has he went into the world then spent a year in Iraq he lost this devout need, although he still prays he sees no need to attend church of any kind.
now i know we all get to an age where we have to live our own lives and prove to our selves our religion is worth what we thought it was has a child.the problem is how do we bring our adult children back into the faith.
most young adults now days are to wrapped up in them selves.they use cell phones,text message,listen to music,watch DVDs,and spend countless hours playing video games and other computer things.
how do we reach this generation who is so technologically self absorbed? luckily for us our priest Fr. Peter is also still young and uses the media to try to reach out to them.he blogs,uses ipods and does radio programs.
you have to go where the young are places like pubs and Internet cafes meet them where they hang out.
most of use do not know how to evangelize we think knocking on doors or standing in parks preaching the word is evangelism but do you know that blogging is also spreading the word of God,not being afraid to pray over your food in public and answering friends questions are all ways of evangelism.
many people in this world are lost and looking for the good news however when we choose to talk about God we are evangelizing.although I'm not the type of person who will preach about God if some starts to talk to me about what they think about God i am not afraid to share some of my views,never trying to push farther then what i think the person is able to handle at the time.sometimes a few words here and there with people help them to become more comfortable the next time they want to talk to me,they don't feel i'm trying to push my faith on them.
evangelism is a funny thing when you least expect it suddenly you've said a few words that someone wants or needs to hear,will this bring them over to my religion,probably not but it may bring them over to God and i guess that's what its realy all about.

officers council meeting last night

last night i attended our church officers council meeting although i am not a member of the officers our church tries to be open to all members so we can be informed.
we have come to the conclusion that the time is here to try and attempt church unification.in this area we have three small orthodox churches which united together would probably make up one moderate size church.
our basic problem is that each church is different in heritage one is Greek, one Albanian and our church is Romanian. although our liturgy for the most part is the same the traditions of each are different,and to add to the mix we have the influxes of converts who have no ties to any of these things.
Fr. Peter always says the things that will trip us up will be the small things like which priest do we use, what name will the church be, if we incorporate both names whose will be first and last but most important whose lamb recipe will we use at the picnic.
this is all new and strange to me this need to hold on to tradition. when i was catholic we never had these problems if a church was to small you were shut down with very little vote on the parishioners part.we had no traditional foods, picnics or choice in who would and would not be our priest in my mind the time has come to decide is the tradition and ethnicity the important part here or is the faith more important.the only real true traditional language i can see is Aramaic because that's what Jesus spoke other then that it takes on pride on not only the people who want to continue with the old countries language but also on the part of the people who do not want to speak Romanian,has long has we fight over language it keeps us divided which I'm sure makes the devil happy.its time to bend and compromise or lose our faith all together.language and traditions should come after the faith, Jesus came to earth to free and enlighten us to the good news.in his time he was a breath of fresh air because he taught his people to not be enslaved by rules and traditions.faith and praise comes first he said "the Sabath was made for man,man was not made for the Sabath"

companionship

Last week a friend and i went to a breakfast buffet at the Mohegan Sun Casino,while we enjoyed our leisurely meal she began to talk to me about losing her husband 2 years ago.he was diagnosed with cancer and given 1 month to live, she said "what can you do in a month that you haven't done in a life time."
now that several years have passed she is ready to find a companion not a mate but just some one to talk to and do things with. she said "life can be lonely when there is no one around and everything depends on you."
funny how you never think about those things when your in a committed relationship or married.I'm very fortunate my husband and i are best friends we do lots of things together and enjoy each others company.this afternoon Vic, my husband,wanted to go to the book store,i was tired and wasn't sure i wanted to go but then remembered what my friend had said about being alone and said sure lets go.
we have to take advantage of the opportunities in life because you never know when things will change and we will be looking for a companion to help us get through our loneliness.A very wise friend of mine once told me "loneliness is everything its cracked up to be" and I'm sure she's right.hopefully i will never have to find out.

repentance

what is repentance? is it just being sorry for what you've done or is there more to it then that?
when i was catholic and went to confession we were expected to say all the things we had done wrong, feel true sorrow for what we had done then ask for forgiveness.the priest would give absolution but penance was also required to prove you were truly sorry, kind of like going the extra mile.
people would find it hard to believe but i have always felt sorry for Judas,some would think he was a terrible person for betraying Jesus and then hanging himself,in my mind Jesus picked him because he understood Judas make up and character that the temptation would be hardest on him to deal with and the prophecy would, most likely, be fulfilled.the point i think i missed was that although Judas was sorry he was not repentive trying to make amends for what he did,yes he took the silver back then plunged into a deep despair but he did not understand he could get out of this hell by asking God for forgiveness and making thing right with the other apostles.he became judge,jury and executioner of himself,he didn't turn to God or to the others.
St.Peter on the other hand,who denied Christ three times,was also in fear,despair and sorrow.he locked himself away knowing what he did was wrong. so what made these two apostles different?why was one saved and the other not?Peter did not end his life,he must have learned something from Jesus teaching that Judas missed.the fact that Peter tried to stay with the other apostles and face what had happened gave him the opportunity,that Judas missed,of getting to see Jesus after the Resurrection.Peter was sorry for what he did then Jesus forgave him three times going on to make him a great leader.If Judas had stayed around, united with the other apostles and also waited for Jesus return maybe he too would have been remembered for being a great leader.
God seems to like to work with damaged goods.he does not expect us to be perfect we are like a duel personality and sinning is just easier then resisting.He understands this but he also wants us to understand that when we do something wrong we are to tell him,understand why it was wrong, then go make it right.that's forgiveness. its a way for us to start over and not have to carry the burden of sin with us forever allowing us the freedom to do Gods' will.

snow

yesterday i woke up to snow on the ground and flakes in the air.I guess winter is truly coming upon us.
I always say I hate snow,I really don't,I hate the shoveling then trying to drive to work in the early morning hours when the roads have not been plowed well enough,my job is the kind that you can't call out because the roads are bad,the worse the weather the more needed you are.lets face it 3rd shift wants to go home if I don't show up their stuck for another shift.
when I was a child we always had such fun in the snow sledding,building a snow man,snow forts and if the pond was frozen ice skating, at the end of the day you would come in the house with fingers and toes frozen and starting to hurt but the next day we'd go out and do the same thing again.
to me there is nothing more beautiful then going out in the evening hours and walking with my dog on the road through the freshly falling snow with the street light hitting the flakes has they fall.Everything so quite and peaceful white and pure feeling so close to nature,when suddenly the stillness broken from afar by the soft voices of adults and kids talking and laughing has they shovel their driveways and the scrapeing sounds of a snowplow cleaning a nearby road.
although i like the spring and summer months better there is something to be said for this time of year.many people in new England like to move to Florida for the winter months, i think it would be very sad to live somewhere that i could not see even a small amount of snow this time of year,it must be very odd to put up a Christmas tree when its 80 degrees outside and flowers are blooming every where.Santa and his sleigh must look pretty funny on a green lawn with people walking by in shorts and tank tops.
there is a time and place for everything and christmas and snow just seem to need each other,even Santa and Mrs Clause can appreciate a good snow storm why else would they live at the North Pole?

Christmas stress

Today i got to listen to Fr. Peters' radio program,taped on Thursday morning.He talked about Christmas stress and how to beat these stresses and take care of your self through the holidays,he spoke about depression and the sadness that goes along with the holiday blues.
has we get older we lose more and more of our family members and their traditions. we are put in the position of making our own traditions,we go from the child to the adult.
people put to much stress on the importance of meeting every ones needs and expectations, feeling disappointed that we may have slighted someone,its one of those things you can do 100 things right and get all kinds of compliments then hear one bad thing and it turns your world upside down.
i work at a job were every other year means i work Christmas day,this is one of those years.i have gotten used to this and we celebrate Christmas with my family on my day off, which will be Saturday this year.
i really don't feel bad about not being with every one on these holidays because i get to spend time with patients who have no family and no one to visit them. we become like their family and it makes them happy that we are with them on Christmas, this is so much better then being home opening gifts or worrying how stressed i am getting making a Christmas meal.
keep in mind mine is not the only profession that gives up holidays for the good of others there are police,firefighters, doctors and if you go out to eat on that day waiter,waitresses,cooks and hostesses who serve and meet your needs.
remember the people who have given up their holidays for you and your loved ones,if you have a chance give them a smile,thank them and wish them Merry Christmas,they will be glad you thought about them.

the manger

away in the manger.I'm starting to get excited about Christmas now and I'm in a hurry to get my manger up.the statues are white in color with gold trim and they sit in an old wooden stable which is lit up with tiny white lights.sometimes in the evening i shut all the lights off in the parlor and just sit on the sofa and look at it,it all just seems so peaceful and right.
when i was a little girl after we took the Christmas tree out and decorated it, i would pull out my mothers manger and set it up on the table then gently take the Shepard's out and try putting them in all different places imagineing what these men were doing when they saw the star, making sure their sheep followed near by so they wouldn't get lost on their journey to the stable.i would imagine them looking into the manger seeing the baby laying there,with his parents sitting near by and all the animals around keeping him warm with their breath.how natural and earthy it must have been with the star shining in the sky so brightly keeping the darkness of the night at bay.
on Christmas eve ,when my family would go to mid night mass,it always seemed so lovely going up for communion and looking over at the beautiful manger scene with its dark blue cloth and small white lights set up to look like tiny stars in the dark sky.it made me feel so close to Jesus birth just looking at that quite little scene and hearing the choir has it sang "silent night".what a great way to start the holiday season to feel such peace with the world around you, how loving and warm.like the Mother Mary craddling her new child in her protective arms, may we always feel such peace on earth even if its only in our hearts.

suicide in a church

today while i was at coffee hour one of the people sitting next to me said that someone had gone into the Catholic church she attends and shot him self in the head in the sanctuary.
how sad it must be to feel so helpless that all you have left to control in your life is your death.
many people can not understand how any one could do such a thing has take their own life.people who do these things are not in their right mind they are mentally ill and unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. most of these people feel even their family will not miss them,but how wrong they are.
i thought after my friend told me this story what if the priest or someone had walked in at the time before he shot him self maybe that one special word someone had said to him might have changed this whole situation.
we in life never know how helpful we can be by just saying hello how are you today, this may not have made a difference but may be it could have.
one of my favorite movies used to be "its a wonderful life". this movie showed the lead actor what would have happened to all the people in his life if he had not been born.strange how little we understand how important our words and actions are because we are not on the receiving end. a little sentence which we may not think much of could mean the difference of someone wanting to go on with their lives or not.

black friday

i have not been able to figure out why so many people insist that they need to be shopping the day after thanksgiving,black Friday. I'm glad i had to work Friday because i can not imagine what could be of such great importance that it would require me to get up at 3am and be in line in the cold in order to shop by 4am.no sale is worth my not being able to sleep in,especially after spending an entire week cleaning and cooking for the thanksgiving holiday the day before.
in my whole life time i think i have only gone to 2 black Fridays, back then the stores did not open until 8am.i decided not to do it again the aggravation of just trying to find a parking space made me realize no matter how much i saved it took the fun out of the holiday shopping experience.
Christmas has become way to commercialized its all about the money and the gifts its not about the fun things like decorating,cookie baking and just spending time with family and friends.
every year my holiday season becomes more and more crammed with parties and things to do after awhile i feel like I'm in a whirl wind and forget that this is Jesus special day.
when i was catholic i always enjoyed midnight mass.sitting in the dim light with a group of other parishioners listening to the choir sing "oh holy night" when they got to the part "rise fall on your knees oh hear the angles voices, oh night Divine,oh night when Christ was born" it would echo through this large church making you want to fall on your knees.that's what Christmas is all about thanking God for sending his only son into this unworthy world to die on a cross for our sins.
when ever i feel I'm starting to get over whelmed by the season i try to remember that song and the echo of it through St.Joseph church and it helps center me on why this season is upon us and why we are really celebrating it and you know what? its not about the great sales we got on black Friday the day after thanksgiving.

happy thanksgiving

well another thanksgiving down and i must admit it turned out rather nice.i was lucky this year i had most of this week off and do not return back to work until Friday. this gave me plenty of time to do some real cleaning in my house now when i get ready for Christmas,in a few weeks, my house is pretty clean and mostly organized,its never really all that organized here.what are you going to do my family truly likes to live in our home.my mother used to say "did people come to visit my house or the people living in it,if they've come to visit the house they will be sadly disappointed".
my sister,her husband and son came today we had plenty of food between what i made and what she brought we did alright.its good that we still get together when my parents were alive we had thanksgiving at my parents house,they had the bigger home after they passed away,9 months apart form each other my sister and i decided that it was important we remain together and try to celebrate the holidays even if we celebrate on a different day,she and i both work in health care and work every other holiday lucky for us we work the same holidays so Christmas will be celebrate on the Saturday after the holiday instead of Chistmas day.to me its not the holiday its the ablity to spend it with your family no matter what day you pick.

friends

do you ever wonder why you pick the friends you do? do we pick people like us or are different from us?
i have many friends,i tend to call most people i meet and get to know a friend but i have only a few very close friends.it seems the people i pick to be my close friends have similar beliefs and help fulfill the qualities i admire but do not have.
for me people who are movers who are not afraid to step forward to correct problems, make decisions and follow through on plans are some of my closest friends because stagnation is very difficult for me.
many times when i think of the apostles i think of how different their personalities were from each other.when Jesus sent them out into the world he sent them by pairs i think he did this to fill each of their voids what one did not have in personality or strenght they other did giving a united force.
i do not believe God made us to be solitary beings,no man is an island, he wants us to be co-depend on each other strenghten and care for each other.
mother Theresa said we are all interconnected like parts of a watch.if you open a awatch you will see wires and springs and expensive and cheap parts but they all work together to make the watch run.
we meet the people in this life that God feels will help fulfill not only our needs but also his plans.through this unity we are allowed a more complete self with a clearer vision and a united front with the added benifet of feeling the love and kindness of another person who shares our lives and truely cares about us.

prayer

today while reading fr. peters blog site and pod cast he mentions prayer and its importance in an orthodox persons life. we are to pray at the least two times a day and up to seven times a day.
for each person prayer is a private personal thing,for me i am in the habit of praying in the morning and evening but am not very good at other times in the day, though i must admit that when i wake up through the night i start to pray to help me relax.i feel i must be waking up because there is something on my mind that i have not dealt with and i need Gods intervention to help find an answer to my issue.
although it has not happened to me lately, during the spring and summer,while watching TV or reading i would get this over whelming need to pray for some one who needed help,i would have no idea who it was for but it would happen so often that i made up a prayer just for those moments,several days after my prayers i would find out someone i knew was dealing with a problem and thought well maybe this was why i needed to pray.
i have been reading a book on the life of mother angelica from ewtn.She belongs to cloistered community of the poor Claire's,which is a Franciscan community.they spend 4 hours a day in work related activities and most of the rest of their day is spent in prayer and contemplation.they offer up their prayers for those who are unable to
pray for themselves and are not allowed to read news papers or watch TV they get news of the outside world from the mother superior when she feels something is needed for the community to know.it seems like a very difficult life to me and all i can say is thank God i was never called to this sort of life,i'm sure i would not be very good at it i'm way to nosey and silence has never been my strong point plus the getting up at 4:30 am to pray would be another issue i would have trouble dealing with.
thank goodness for these sisters and i proudly must add my fathers' oldest sister belonged to one of these groups up in canada, what a very harsh life she must have lived and how little we appreciate these people who are willing to give their lives over for the good of the rest of the world.

acts of charity

what are acts of charity? many of us believe that large groups who raise money then help third world people are what charity is all about. but I'm willing to bet every day we all see at least one act of charity and do not even realize it.
charity doesn't just run on a grand scale it runs on the every day, the collection of used coats and the secret Santa we do were i work, the person ringing the bell by the kettle for the salvation army in the cold December air,toys for tots done by the marines, the giving up of what we have to another person with no thought at all that we are doing it. I've seen my aides share their lunches with patients when they have something a patient may be asking for in their lunch bags or go out at break time and buy the patients things they may want like a donut, coffee, hamburger,lottery tickets, chocolate, nice smelling shampoo, soaps and make up then not asking for money for these purchases.
people think these are little acts and maybe they are but how large they truly are to the receiver.
when it comes down to it these acts are probably more meaningful then all the money we could throw at charities. these actions are done with nothing more in mind then kindness. its whats written in the bible when it says "you should give so one hand does not know what the other hand is doing".this is a special gift an act so greatly regarded by Jesus that he speaks about them in the beatitudes.what so ever you do to the least of my brothers you do it for me.
i always say their are two kinds of people in the medical profession those who are there to collect a pay check and those who are there because they care about other people and the dignity they can pass on to those around them. God bless the second group because they are what charity is all about.

Christmas Music

Do you hear what i hear? Do you hear what i hear? this morning at 6am when my clock radio went off i got serenaded by Christmas music,give me a brake I'm still trying to figure out if my sister and her family are coming here for Thanksgiving or if were going to her house.
the stores have had Christmas things out since before Halloween and the day after started to sneak every thing to the front of the store in the hopes that we will start to buy Christmas gifts.
i must admit although i do stop and look at what they have out i am still not ready to buy anything that has to do with Christmas quite yet,all this pushing makes me dislike how commercialized the holiday has become and how the fun is just gone out of the season.even the TV. stations are starting to air Christmas commercials.
Once again let me just say can we please get through Thanksgiving. i happen to like this holiday, not just because i was born on it but because we take an entire day to be thankful and enjoy our family it is what a holiday is suppose to be about.we eat together and expect nothing from each other but the enjoyment of conversation and maybe some football which we all gather and watch together.its hard to be angry when your full of turkey, pie,Macy's parade and football.
We are very fortunate in my house we have a great deal to be truly thankful for.We have a house,job,heat,food, family and friends and they are all there for us when we are in need. we don't live in our car,are not digging out of a dumpster for food and do not have to beg for money or change. we are not addicted to drugs,alcohol or gambling,are not in prison or have untreated mental illness.
most of all we have our health,our church family and a belief in God that when things do happen to us we always have a helping hand. so lets take the time to be thankful and celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas will be here soon enough so why rush the
seasons lets take them one at a time and really live them because with Gods blessing mabe we'll be here to celebrate next year.

shooting at school/who has rights

i got to spend most of my morning at the car dealership having some belts replaced on my car,they were getting a little worn.while waiting i read an article about this 14 year old boy in California who was shot in class for being gay. now i know this is an on going issue but there is more to this story.this child named Larry attended a California middle school where he told every one he was openly gay.he dressed like a girl and even started to wear high heels and make up. when some of the teachers complained the vice principal,who is also gay, sent a memo around to tell the teachers this was a hands off situation and he was allowed to act on these impulses since it would be considered against his rights to be restricted according to California laws.
this child was blatantly outlandish going over to the jocks from the sports team and asking them if they "would like some of him" the vice principle was not only counseling him but may have been encouraging his extreme openness.
one day Larry showed up at school dressed like every other boy and seemed very nerveous,the class was held in the computer room that day so they could finish working on their reports about world war 2. the child who shot him was sitting around his area and was allowed to read a book saying that he already finished his report at home. at some point this child got up put a gun to Larry's head and shot him, the teacher said "what the hell are you doing?" and the kid shot Larry again. the trial has not come to court yet.
all i have to say is "what is going on in these schools?" how can you see such confusion in a child and go along with it and possibly encourage it.
the administration at this school should all be fired and the vice principal should be stripped and bared from ever teaching again.i have no problem with people being gay but i do have a problem when schools see an out right problem and turn their backs on it.freedom is fine when your an adult but when your 14 or 15 years old you need to be taught about what is appropriate behavior. if you don't learn has a child about boundaries you will never know them has an adult.
both of these boys came from troubled homes and were failing terribly in school why do we pay taxes for counselors and teachers if every one sees multiple problems and feels they have no control.if you has the adult have no control then who does? these kids were crying out for help instead of getting what they needed they got a school who was more concerned with gay rights and personal agendas then with helping them. this school system failed and every one should be held accountable the parents,the teachers and the admimistration not just the kid sitting in jail waiting to be tried for murder.
once again i say were have all our morals gone?

Touching People

this morning i got to listen to Fr. Peter's "Shepard of Souls" pod cast. he did a second interview with Kim Ladue, who is a holistic nurse. she spoke about how our illnesses are not just physical but can have an emotional and dietary relationship with each other.
she talked about how when a normal baby is born they first cry then are held by their mothers and fed. there is a very strong nurturing feeling that goes along with food and sometimes the things we eat have to do more with our need for comfort then just our need for nourishment.
we live in a world that does not allow us to really express our selves in nurturing ways.lack of feeling has become an epidemic in this country.As we age we lose more and more friends and relatives and have no one to replace them with.many elderly people who attend Sunday service may only feel the touch of another human being on Sundays before, during or after service and not again until the next Sunday. imagine how important your simple touch is that pat on the shoulder,hug around the neck or kiss on the check can be to some one who is starving for love.
the other day one of our terminally ill patients asked that we sit her up in her chair. before i left she told me she was frightened .when i finished my med pass i went and sat with her for about ten minutes. i held her hand and knowing she was an animal lover, read her an article in the news paper about how many priest are
now getting animals in their rectorys and its positive influence on not only the priest but the people who come to see them. when her son stopped by at lunch time she seemed less frightened and i left them to visit with each other.
our touch is so important that even when Jesus healed he did it with his hands.he didn't have to do this he could simple have said "you are cured go on your way" but he understood the human person in order to be fully healed needed the sense of another persons touch,many times after he healed someone he also encouraged them to eat and drink not just to cure the illness but to make them whole. never underestimate the power you hold in your hands a simple touch can mean more then you know in the eyes of another.

new dating service

What are we coming to?
this morning while at the hairdressers i had some time to kill so i decided to read an article in a Boston paper.It said that a new dating service will be doing commercials on 2 Boston sports stations.what you say is wrong with this? aren't there many stations that allow such advertisement on their stations? well yes but this company is not catering to the singles of the world this service is for people who are married and want to cheat on their spouses, nice huh!
i am not stupid i know that these services are out there on the Internet and i also know that any one who wants to cheat can find these web sites.what bothers me is the fact that any radio station would be so hard up for advertising dollars that they need to air this kind of garbage.
first these stations are sports which many people listen to on their car radio and may have children present at the time, next why is a radio station promoting such things has cheating on your spouse.
in this world were its very hard to keep marriages together why are we promoting cheating instead of family unity and values. have we lost our moral sense of direction?
i don't believe that any one should be pushed into marriage, you should be mature enough to work on your commitment.if you are unhappy cheating is not going to help you. you need to find out why your unhappy talk to each other, get counseling or maybe you need to call it quits. but no matter how you look at it you don't need to be sleeping with strange people who may bring the potential of emotional and physical disease into your already fragile relationship.
people who cheat do not see far enough ahead to understand the devastation they bring to their relationship when their spouse finds out. children are affected and so are out side family and friends. cheating is not just a fling,it does not add excitement to the mix and it certainly does not fulfill your needs in the real world.
this article went on to say that of the people who subscribe to this company 70% are men and 30% are women. they are between the ages of 28 to 40 and have been in their
married relationships for 5 or more years.
we have a problem in this country we no longer feel marriage is a commitment for the long haul if we tire we divorce or worse yet cheat.we need to start reinforcing the importance of long term commitment in our churches and let people know that what they have at home most of the time,is more important then the excitement of a fling that may ruin not only their lives but their children's lives for many years to come.

St..Michaels' name day

This weekend has been the name day for our church St. Michael.Saturday evening we had vespers followed by a nice gathering in our museum, which our Fr. Peter had been busy hanging pictures and getting organized for almost a week, then Sunday we had liturgy and our banquet. it turned out to be a very nice day and a good and loving get together for not only our church but also those who joined us from St. Nicholas,the albanian church several streets over from us, whose feast day will be coming up soon.
its always nice to be able to get together with our neighbor churches it makes us understand that orthodoxy is about the things we have in common not our differences. In the end we are one big family and all God's children.
Tradition says that St. Michael,the arcangel, was the leader who remained faithful to God and cast out Lucifer at God's comand. he is invoked by the church in times of emergency and unusual danger, when the malice of the devil seems truimphant St. Michael will come to our aid.
One day at work i had a patient who was dying, his son, a police officer, took his St.Michael's medal off from around his neck and lovingly placed it on his father neck. He explained to his father that he had gotten this medal on the day he graduated from the police academy and had not taken it off since that day. he told his father that St. Michael would protect him and help lead him to the other side when the time came.several weeks later, after his father pasted away, i removed the medal from his father and handed it back to his son, i told him what a wonderful and loving thing he had done and was sure it helped his father to feel at rest. the son thanked me and left.
in this day and age when it feels like evil is everywhere tempting us, its comforting to know that all we have to do is ask St. Michael for help and he will lovingly be with us and help us face our demons. We can stand strong because St. Michael stands near by helping to defend us.

the next day

Well here we are with our new president for better or worse were all in this together.Hopefully we voted this person in because we think he will be a good president and not because we want to make history with his being black.
While at work today i have heard many people say they are glad Obama got in because it's history making.no one said anything about the economy,the division of parties or the war, just because it has made them a part of history.
Last night i did not watch the election coverage knowing my candidate would not win there seemed no real reason to watch it. i prayed that we had all made the correct decision and that no matter how this effects my life in the end i made the choice i thought was right. Now we can all move on with our every day lives.
there are just certain things in life you have no control over you do what you think is the right thing then hope for the best.not wanting to be sore looser let me just say good luck to the new president and all the new representatives both house and senate. But just remember if in 4 years things are still a mess it may be our turn back up at bat again.

to the right

after getting up this morning, having breakfast then getting dressed i decided it was time to go vote.entering the parking lot on the "right" side i decided it was time to go into the polling place and do the "right" thing and vote.at this point i took my ballot paper and went to the booth on the "right" picked who i thought to be the "right" candidates then brought my ballot and put it in the machine with my "right" hand. i went out the door to the "right" entered my car and decided it was a good time to go shopping and wait for the polls to tell me tonight if i had voted for the "right" man to take on this great job. well even if my candidate does not win i know in the end i have done the "right" thing.
from a conservative republican living in a democratic state i have the need to go to the "right" when ever i can.

election day is looming

i for one can honestly say tomorrow will not come and go fast enough, i know i can hear my mother saying "stop wishing your life away", we'll I'm not i am just sick of listening to debates, commercials and the media and their inevitable telling me how wonderful Obama is. enough already lets just get out there and vote who ever wins wins
and who ever loses loses and then we can get on with our lives.
we has a country have always pulled through regardless of or in spite of who ever was in office. every politician when their running talks about how they will set the world on fire but once in office not much changes,i don't care how much the democratic candidate keeps saying he will change things.either way this is going to be an expensive proposition.
i have only one thing to say then we can all move on with our lives "vote"....
if you don't vote then don't complain because you forfeited your right.

wrestling with faith

today i read something very interesting the author says "when God makes us uncomfortable. he's doing us a favor. he's allowing us the opportunity to wrestle with our faith.to conquer our inner demons and emerge victorious on the other side. the greater the struggle the greater the reward." "The struggle its self is a blessing, with out it you would continue to walk through religious life like a zombie."
funny i have struggled with religion for a very long time,has a matter of fact most of my life and until i read this i never understood it to be a blessing,i thought of it has being disrespectful and unbelieving.asking questions and demanding answers does not,in my mind, seem in any way how a believer acts. its strange to me how some people can hear the words of God and believe with everything they have that what is said is true while others,like my self, struggle on a daily basis with the words,the actions and the discipline.
this book went on to talk about how even monks who live very scheduled and secluded lives need to get away and be alone so they can wrestle with their own inner demons to make them better believers. even they, who are so close to God already, feel they are still not close enough.
one of my favorite verses in the bible is "Lord i believe,help me to believe" i spend a great deal of time with this fight myself first believing then questioning my beliefs.i remember some one once told me every day is new and like a marriage we have to reaffirm daily our love,some days its easy to love while other days its very difficult.
once during a bible study class it was brought up how many of us, would die for our faith, needless to say i was not one of those people who said "i would".i said nothing because i thought even St. Peter, who had spent several years with Jesus and watched him raise from the dead and preform miracles ,could not stand with Jesus when he was arrested let alone be ready to die for this son of God, he denied knowing him 3 times then took off.
maybe wrestling with our faith makes us stronger it allows us to understand were all human and we can only do the best we can. the body and mind many times are much confused more so then the spirit but i guess every day is a new day and we must try to reaffirm our beliefs and love and hopefuly it will all be made clear to us.

halloween

today is Halloween and I've just added the finishing touches to the "Bone Yard" in front of the house,complete with yellow caution tape some small flying witches, pumpkins and skeletons. why you ask am i going through all this? first because we are Halloween people in this house,second because the kids like it and third because the dog thinks this is her private bathroom and try has we do to keep it clean you
just never see everything.so last but not least we're trying to stay on good terms with the parents of the ghost and ghouls.
my husband likes Halloween its one of his favorite holidays.we all remember being
children and trick or treating and maybe getting into a little trouble but it was all in good fun and everyone needs to blow some steam off every now and then.
when i was in catholic school the nuns did not think very highly of this holiday they wanted you to go to church at night, it was all souls day you know, and if you were to dress up to wear things that did not cojure up the demons.personally i say let kids be kids but it doesn't hurt if you do push them away from the really creepy costumes after all their only kids.
now that my son is an adult i in all honesty can say i like being home rather then dragging a bunch of kids out in the dark cold weather,its nice to be the one handing out the candy rather then worring about getting run down by passing cars.
So happy Halloween to all and watch out for the black cats and scary noises.boooo....

book reading: My Jesus Year

i have been reading a book called My Jesus Year written by Benyamin Cohen.
although the book is not the most exciting it does have allot to say.
Benyamin was raised in an orthodox Jewish family. his father and 3 brothers are all rabbis and his sister is married to one. his wife is an ex christian who converted to Jewish orthodoxy,her father was an ex minister who left his faith when she was a child.
Benyamin has tired of his religion with so many rules and the loss of joy from a personal relationship with God he had once known has a child. he decides he wants to know why the christian church across the street draws so many people on Sunday while his own Synagogue draws very few on the sabbath. he goes to the rabbi who helped his wife convert to Judaism, who agrees that Ben may spend one year attending christian events but only if he wears his skull cap and his name badge from the magazine he writes for and at no time is he to fool any one into thinking he is in any way a christian,he must be honest with every one he interviews.
being from Atlanta gives him the opportunity to attend all sorts of things from mega churches to wrestling matches and christian concerts.he tries out Christmas at his in laws home, complete with kosher cooking and gift giving and goes to an outdoor Easter morning sunrise service, he attends multiple small church services from baptist to methodist,evangelical to episcaple. from a black jewish group who beleave in plural marriages to trapist monks.
has iam reading this book i'm begining to see the same problems we has Orthodox Christians are trying to wrestle with for example how important are things like: food,riual, songs or no songs, prayer, chanting. How do we get nearer to God and still follow rituals? how can we get more people to fill the pews (especially our own people)? how do you move forward but still follow church tradition? does services have to be on the sabbath or when its more convent to peoples schedules?what can be changed in the faith that makes church relevant to the people attending but still follows the letter of church law? how do we make church an important part of our every day lives?
At the end of every chapter Benyamin begins to under stand what he has to do to make every thing in his religion more relevant to his situation. maybe this is why people convert over from other faiths because we are looking for the real reason to be nearer to God, trying to find relevant answers that allow us to make our faiths a living relationship with God. Following the rules but not allowing the rules to be the most important part of our relationship.

imploder vs. exploder

this morning started out by my thinking about explosive and implosive people.
so after having breakfast i went to kiss the boo-boos site and Laura had posted on anger. funny how things happen..esp...woo i wonder..scary...God works in mysterious ways....
any ways when i was in nursing school during my last quarter we had to do what was called "leadership", we were required to go to the hospital site early ,pick 7 patients, read their case histories, then assign each students a patient, give them a run down and pass all the meds to these 7 patients,oh did i tell you after we got the meds we then had to explain the drugs,there side effects, why its used and why this patient is using this drug.at the end of the day you went to each student found out how his/her patient was and do a general review, give a report about each patient how their day went and out comes of test.
when my day came to do this my instructor decided one of the patients i was to do had over 20 medications and 2 shots i explained to the instructor i though this would be to difficult for me,she just walked away.
in the hospital they use machines to dispense the medications you push the patients code and doors start to open,hit the wrong button and all the doors and draws open, hit another and they all slam shut and to add to the excitement other nurses on the floor trying impatiently to get what they need.
this machine and i were not on friendly terms it always gave me a hard time and frustration turned into anxiety and true to form my leadership day was no different.
after what seemed like forever i got all the drugs for this woman then drew up the syringes after explaininmg all the drugs to my instructor we walked down to the patients room, only for me to almost have an anxiety attack.with sweat dripping off me and my heart racing to the point i thought i would pass out we walked into the room i did all the right things and when i uncapped the syringe with the insulin the needle was bent.i just stood there and stared at it thinking my nursing career was melting in front of my eyes.my instructor took the needle away from me,we told the patient we'd be back.she then told the other students to get ready they were passing their own drugs today.
later the instuctor told me there are two types of people exploders and imploders and i was definitely an imploder.needless to say i spent the next 3 days proving to her i would be safe has a nurse passing all the other students drugs with no problems,even the machine co operated with me.
so here we are some people are exploders, my husband is one of these,every little thing can set him off not finding a pen or book can send him into a state of panic and anger with all those names of the almighty coming out every where.my remedy i either try to help him find what he's looking for, laugh because i can't see why any one would get so upset over some thing so mundane,or i take off until he feels better.in his defense he has calmed down with age and with going to church.
i on the other hand am an imploder i tend to get angry with myself and feel like a failure.usually i walk away or ignore what just happened, my mother used to say "once
you say something you can never take it back the wound will always be there so watch what you say". in my defense i have become better my friend fr. peter has made me see that its alright to get angry we all do.now i try to pick my battles and decide if this is worth my anger, am i getting angry because of the problem facing me or some thing else under lying that is just setting me off.
we all have anger issues we just need to put them into context try to figure out why were angry,ask for forgiveness for what we've done and remember even Jesus got angry but when he did he did it for a reason or to prove a point. Jesus also shows us that every one needs quite times, meditation and prayer we need to center our selves
in order to handle our problems.
usually if we are always angry its because we are not taking the time to let God help us. we think we can do it all by our selves handle every thing alone.it goes against our grain to love an angry person but sometimes we need to understand that is what God meant when he stressed love and forgive, not only of others but also of our selves

universal health care

i work in the state of Massachusetts and because i do i belong to a HMO.
in case you do not know this state has mandatory health insurance.all residents of this state are required by law to have health insurance.i am fortune my company helps pay for my insurance. but i know many people who can not afford health insurance
because they are self employed,they make $30,000.00 or more and are considered to wealthy to get assistance from the state.where does it leave these people?in the position of being fined by their wonderful state when they file their state taxes. having spoken with these people they tell me its easier to pay the fine then try to pay the insurance.most of these people are single and do not have a spouse to help relieve the burden placed on them by the state and its mandates.
so where does all this leave the state of Massachusetts? in trouble I'm afraid.several months ago the state said they were going to be one billion dollars in debt and this month Gov. Patrick has been making attempts to cut back on all sorts of things. allot of the people who are poor have been getting assistance from the government through medicaid, which is not what this money is to be used for, for several months now the government has been threatening to stop funding related to the fact that this money is ear marked for the disabled and the elderly through out the country.
Gov. Patrick is now saying he wants companies to start paying more into the state to help with these shortages. we'll that will really make a company want to stay here now won't it.
lets talk about the burden being placed on the health care system it self.with every one having health insurance there is now a shortage of doctors and nurses. my own doctor now works 2 days in Webster and 3 days in auburn and trying to get to see him requires me to call for a physical months in advance.
so whats the answer? im not sure but what i do know there is not enough working people out there to pay for the people who don't work and need health insurance.
besides why work at a good paying job and advance if you know the more money you make the more will be taken from you to pay every one else insurance? if we get universal health care who will be entitled to it and how much will you get? will every one be entitled to the best or just basic care? will research companies and pharmacies still be willing to make progress and advancements if they know the government will not be funding everyone to use thier products and inventions?
capitalism requires all people to work for what they have but what about those who are unable to work, should we be paying for illegal aliens to go to emergency rooms in order to get free health care or should they be turned away or sent back to their own country for their needs.
this health care situation is truly a mess and until our politicans can sit down and work these problems out, for the good of the people, we are just going to keep drowning

traditional medicine vs. holistic

we live in a world with all kinds of choices of health care. you can go traditional which deals with medical doctors and pharmacological drugs derived from natural and non natural ingredients or holistic.
if you get a chance go over to fr.peters website you can listen to his Shepard of souls pod cast number 33.in this episode he interviews a nurse practitioner who deals with holistic medicines.
holistics deals with not only the body but the mind and spirit.they believe stress, misalignment and diet can cause pain and sickness to the body. what we eat has well has what we think are all part of our make up this equals our wholeness.
i believe in both i think if you can handle a problem with traditional or holistic medicine and it works for you and go for it,who am i to know how your body make up will react to each treatment.
the only problem i have with holistic medicine is it can cause allot of guilt to the sick person if he has done these approaches and still ends up with cancer,heart disease or has a stroke.we all are made up of genetics which are programed at some point to kick in and cause disease of some sort.unfortunately we are all going to die from something and that's one of those things we have no control over.
but until we get to that point we need to do what ever we are able to to try and be the healthiest we can be not matter which approach we choose.

palm plant ,my new boarder

yesterday when i came home i had a pleasant surprise there sitting on my newspaper recycling bin was a friend of mine from church,he stands about 3 feet tall and his green silky leaves were spread out to me one over the microwave and one peeking down my small hall way.
this sweet little palm plant got to make his performance on Palm Sunday then after Pasha he became relegated to the out doors behind the church with his other 2 palm plant friends.
during the summer while fixing up the patio area on the side of the rectory, Laura and i decided to take a minute and admire the new windows being put into our church. i happened to walked around the back of the building and found these 3 sad little plants looking very courageous with their little pots sitting on a sand pile.
we'll being nature loving people, Laura and i decided that these little guys needed a place of honor again, so we moved them to the patio area to be eyed and enjoyed by all who came to visit st.Michael, through the summer and fall.
but alas the warm weather is over and they ended up in the church basement. i asked my husband Sunday to pick one up after coffee hour, to make his home with us through the cold months and maybe,if i don't send him to his demise, he will be able to make his grand appearance next Palm Sunday.
i have to admit Palm Sunday has always been a favorite of mine. i can see Jesus sitting on a donkey riding into the city while people are throwing palms and robes on the ground for this simple animal carring this great and holy cargo on his back.i can almost hear the crowds yelling "hosanna, hosanna blessed is he"
i was very fortunate to be chrismated on this holy day, i really did not feel worthy enough to be made a part of the orthodox church on pasha evening, but Palm Sunday made me very happy.there is truly something so wonderful about this holy and blessed day and i feel lucky to be able to take this little plant home and see him every day unil spring comes again and maybe if all works out he will be back in St.Micheal in his place of honor again.

canadian fest

after work yesterday my husband and i went to Putnam for the first ever Canadian fest.they boasted of crafts,food and traditional Canadian music.
i thought since all of my grandparents came here from Canada it would be interesting to hear traditional music and see traditional dance since I'm not sure what is traditional to Canada.my priest fr.peter has ancestors who came from Scotland and settled in nova scotia. so his traditional dance should be something Gaelic. my relatives came from France and settled in Quebec, so what do we do the minuet? just kidding
to my surprise the music and dance was very much like what the people who came from Canada and settled in Louisiana do,i think arcadian is what its called and the dancing reminded of what people the in the hills of kentucky did in the 1930s'.
it was also nice to hear french Canadian spoken,when i was a child that's all my grandparents could speak, i never really got to verbalize much with them although every time we would visit my grandfather would try his hardest to get me to say " good night" in french, poor man try has he would i just couldn't get it or remember it.
now days i'm much better at understanding Parisian then Canadian french. but for my grand fathers sake here goes...."Bonne nuit, grand p`ere

lack of enthusiasm

every now and then while reading i come across something that just inspires me or at least makes me open my eyes. today while reading a book the author talks about how a church is not an organization but an organism. when one person lacks enthusiasm in a church the entire congregation praying suffers.he discusses how empty a house of worship can be if no one wants to pray. all the bells, whistles and ornate architecture doesn't make a church inherently holy its the parishioners . even modest
surroundings can be transformed into the most spiritual sanctuaries.he said "we build a monument to where God was, not where God is."
every Sunday at the end of our service we sing "blessed be the name of the Lord,blessed be tne name the name of the Lord hence forth and for ever more." every time we sing this song i notice the lack of enthusiasm. it is dragged out and dull and every time i hear this song i think "come on people listen to the beauty of these word sing it like you mean it folks." this is suppose to be an up lifting song your talking about how blessed the name of the Lord is the one who gave you life how beautiful and fortunate we are to have him, his name all by its self is blessed not only today but to the end of the world and beyond.

men and gas cans

once again i have come to the conclusion that i do not understand men !!!!!!!!!
this morning my son went out to start his car, which sputtered and bucked several times then refused to start again. he came into the house and asked for a ride to work because his car would not run. i agreed then said what do you think is wrong with it he answered "well its either to cold and it wont start or I'm out of gas".i said is the little white line on the "e" for empty? he said yes,i said, not being a mechanic and all, personally i would go with the empty gas theory myself.
this is not a generational thing all men of all ages are the same when it comes to empty gas tanks. I'm not sure if they feel the car is lying to them when it says empty or they just have a need for dominion over this metal object.either way it makes no sense to me.
this is an all male thing, many is the time I've been on interstate 395 or routes 131, 20 or 12 and have seen a lone male figure with his red gas can walking to the nearest gas station for fuel,it must be a hunter gatherer thing except with out the spear.
i don't know if they feel like just driving by a gas station will fill the tank like osmosis but trust me on this one fellows empty is empty no matter how many stations you drive by or is it the $1 or 2 you can save by trying to get to the cheapest station, i need to tell right now it isn't worth the mile walk in the dead of night,the rain or freezing cold, money looses it luster when your wet.
women on the other hand would not do this if nothing else i always check my gas level, i may not check anything else but by God if I'm going to get stuck its going to be for a very good, not to mention very expensive reason, i refuse to walk for $30.00 worth of gas.
i asked my husband this morning, when he got up, what is it with you guys you would never see a woman marching down the road with gas can in hand, why do you think that is? he said because they have triple A, boyfriends and husbands who will come get them or walk the can to the gas station for them. men you got to love them, I'm not sure why but you really do have to love them...

women priest ?

here is a hot topic for everyone should women be priest?
last night after our St. James srvice we went to the church hall to enjoy some food.at our table we got to enjoy the company of a person from an orthodox church in worcester.since everyone at this table had converted over to the orthodox faith we started talking about why we converted,what was important to us has christians and orthodox followers and should woman be allowed to be priest.
this is always an interesting subject since first it will probably never happen and second because people seem passionate about it.
some people feel that being a woman allows us to emulate the blessed virgin and follow her and this should be enough.lets face she does encompass woman hood at its best, is a saint and when she said yes to God she showed ultimate faithfulness and courage (remember this was a time when being preganat before marriage could get you stoned to death).some people feel that since Jesus did not call women to be one of his 12 choosen then we are not permitted to consider this possiblity. the apostiles were men and has such only men can be priest.
i on the other hand have always felt women should be allowed to be priest,growing up in a faimly with 2 aunts who were nuns i never saw a reason why these holy women were not given the oppurtunity to advance to this if they so desired,trust me these 2 women lived religous lives and followed strict vows of poverty and prayer.
i think a calling is a calling and if you can advance the cause of God who cares if your a woman or a man.many religions have women ministers and some also have woman priest but the catholic and orthodox churches just can't see woman has having importance.up until about 30 years ago women were not even allowed to be members of our church thats why womens groups were started,woman sat to the left side of the church and men to the right,(in the orthodox church the right hand is the hand of God,it is correct)
my argument for priesthood is that three of the four people who stood at the foot of the cross were woman.they didn't seem to care that they could be arrested or crucified next to Jesus.
back in the early days women were allowed to be deacons they got to work with the women of the church because the priest was unable and it was either St. Peter or St. Paul that talks about a woman with his group whom he sent out to spread the word.
there are many women who were martyed for the faith has well has men and we have feast days and cellebrate these woman.to me woman have proven their worth to the faith.

in search of sr.elaine

when i was in grammar school i had a very young sister who just started teaching at our school. she was blond and very sweet in nature.when she would go on retreat she would come back and tell me "i saw your aunt this weekend and she said to say hi
to you", my aunt also belonged to this group of sisters.
many years passed and i forgot about her until in 2006 at my fathers funeral while
waiting for them to bring the casket up the stairs of the church, so my sister and i could accompany it to the alter, an older sister came to me and introduced her self explained to me that when my aunt entered the convent she was her room mate,she had come because my aunt who had Alzheimer's was unable to attend so she came in my aunts place.
for some odd reason i began to think about Sr.Elaine and wonder how she was. several time i went on line and typed her name in but at the time was not sure what her last name was so i gave up.
in 2007 while in the process of selling my fathers house i had to bring paper work to the realtor since my agent was not there i sat and talked to the owner, who is some one i went to grammar school with. we got to talking about different nuns we had and i mentioned Sr.Elaine's name.she said she was friends with some one who is a nun and would get me the info i needed.
later that week the realtor called me to give me Sr.Elaine's email address and home address but unfortunately we had a bad rain storm that day and the message left on the answering machine was scratchy and most of the address was unclear. i threw my
hands up and said that's it I'm done.
after the sale of my fathers house i got the feeling that i needed to know how Sr. Elaine was doing i thought about how old she might be and what she was doing with her life.i went on the computer typed in what i thought was her full name and found out she was a principle in Rochester New York but had quit her position related to them wanting to close the school. once again back to square one. i said to myself "Lord if for what ever reason you want me to find her help me find her if not let me just forget this whole thing and move on with my life."
2 weeks ago i got the feeling again that i needed to find her and this time said if this leads no where then i give up for good.i went on the computer typed in her name and after several tries found out she was the superintendent of catholic schools down south, i got to see a picture of her and thought well that kind of looks like her but I'm not sure. i took the address of the diocese in that area and sent her a letter with my email address.
last night while checking out my emails i had one from Sr.Elaine i had indeed found her and she was very happy to hear from me.she said "you made my day". has soon as i received this i felt like the search was over i knew she was alright and i was
at peace again.i have no idea why this seemed so important to me but its strange how things happen.

gaming in conn.

one day Ann found herself in a tough position her husband lost his job,her child was thrown out of school,the house was going to be repossed and their was little food in the house.Ann decided to pray to her patron said.dear st.---- please help me I'm in bad shape help me win the lottery soon.the next week things got worse so Ann
once again prayed to her st. to help her win the lottery. by the third week things were desperate oh my patron saint help me,no answer came, so she prayed more fervently saint why are you not helping me. suddenly the saint appeared to her and said in order to win the lottery you have to have a ticket.
i live in a state with 2 casinos and multiple lottery's to be played and if you can't get enough from this state try Mass.Rhode Island,New York or maybe New Jersey.if you have or do not have the money gambling is every where to be found.
the state says these are good things because they help pay for the schools,funny every year my property taxes go up and they tell me about 80% of the town budget goes to the schools.where is all this money they keep talking about?
i have a problem with a state who feels it has to raise money by lottery from what i understand most people who abuse the lottery and casinos are not rich. the lottery is the poor mans tax.everyone has this need to win big and never have to work again.
but why are we put here if all we want to do is spend our lives sitting home,watch t.v. and play with the computer.
they say all this gaming is not a bad thing that most people are not effected by it and only a few people are out of control they are not poor or desperate people.
all i can say is the last time i went to the casino i thought i was in a rehab facility people had wheelchairs,walkers and oxygen tanks not just some but what seemed like 50%.(maybe its because I'm a nurse i tend to key in on certain people).
one time my husband and i were early for a concert and we decided to eat at the food court while there i saw a little old man walk up to a table where some children had just finished eating,they did not discarded their pizza crust and i watched this gentleman walk over to the table look around then sneak the crust and eat it. now tell me who does all this gambling effect?

marijuana should it be legal?

i remember very little about the hippie generation since i was only around 7 at the time.all i remember is driving down main street in Webster mass.some hippies were crossing the street, my father rolled down his window and yelled out "hey Jesus Christ and the apostles why don't get a hair cut"unfortunately i was unable to crawl under the front seat at the time.(you know thirty years from now when I'm in the nursing home the psychiatrist will look at me and say Linda lets talk a little about this obsessive need you have to crawl under your chair every time you room mate combs her hair,now theres an ativan moment,thanks dad.)
back in the days of the hippies illicit drugs were used to enlighten and expand the mind they said it allowed them to see things more clearly and understand the real purpose of the world.
10 years after this generation came my group we were looking for fun disco and drugs we were not using drugs to enlighten the mind but to blow it.cocaine not heroin were the big drugs everything was for partying.when i was in high school i remember kids smoking dope in the bathrooms,across the hall from the class rooms and the teachers not doing anything about it.
now California has legalized the use of dope,marijuana,for use by sick people,which i don't have a problem with i deal with narcotics on a daily basis and see the positive use of drugs on pain.unfortunately being California they have gotten bad prscriptions from doctors who don't care who wants it.this then becomes abuse of the system.
my husband, who is 12 years older then me, belonged to the generation who saw drugs has enlightenment he feels we should legalize marijuana that people should not be put in jail for using dope but for selling the stuff,since it fills the jails up for the wrong reason. i on the other hand have known people who have become addicted to drugs and became a drain on society not to mention it is illegal.people using the stuff and get caught need to be punished in some way,you did break a law.
to me marijuana should be used has a legal drug and regulated just like any other narcotic.a law is a law and until we make it legal it illegal

trying for new followers

today on fr.peters blog he talks about how he can get more people to become part of his church,st.michael. this is a very hard time in history religion is not a big part of peoples lives and conversion is even more difficult.
people who are original to this church are at times more interested in the social events then the litugical events although when it come to services they are more into how it has always been done and not why is it done and is it correct.
most peoples children who are grown adults with kids of their own do not attend because they either belong to their spouses religion or were turned off from when they were children.
the converts to the church find a great deal of difficulty with this attitude because they joined the church for the faith,they are not so concerned about the picnics and parties and the traditions they are more centered on the faith and spiritualism.
its difficult to grow a church if you can't get every one on the same page. orthodoxy is not a religion that is used to going out into the community and helping in food banks,hospital and prisons but this is were we need to go to start.will people convert over iam not so sure of this but i do know this is what we has christians are called to do and this is very frightening to some people, its hard to get out of our comfort zones and make ourselfs vounrable.
the problem with most people is they do not attend church because they say they get nothing out of it missing the point of liturgy which is we go to praise God not the other way around.
we live in a time where we do not understand the master servent relationship that was common in the time of Jesus. a servent is to be at the beckon call of his master day and night and in return the master bestows on this person what he feels is necessary for the good of the servent.i think people feel that God is equal to us and has such we expect him to be our pal.in its most basic loving form it is a farther child relationship with God has the father and we has the children, meaning he leads and we follow because he knows whats right not us.

hospice in the nursing home

after leaving one of my patients on friday when i came in today she did not look well this morning. she and her family decided during the weekend to make her cmo(comfort measures only) we do only what will make her comfortable and nothing else unless the family or patient request more.today i spoke with the daughter who in tears asked me to make sure her mother was not going to suffer.i had to bring the subject of hospice to her, this is always very uncomfortable for the family because they have just come to the realization that the end of life is near but they has a child will be losing their parent and friend. it never matters how old your parents are loosing them is always very traumatic.
i am not allowed to push hospice on a family but i am allowed to ask if they have considered it or will take the time to think about it.
hospic is one of the best groups we have in our nursing home they send rn.s' who specialize in death and dying and make suggestions on how to help these patients to transition into the inevidable, they have aides who spend an hour a day with the person doing things like manicures listening to music and just talking with them,things our aides do not have time to do since they take care of 10 patients a piece. also they have their own ministry fr. john is one of the best to help patients meet their spiritual needs and make some sort of peace with God.
this would be a very depressing job for most people but these special dedicated people are some of the best and always rise to the occasion when they are needed. they are sympathetic to the end and feel great loss when the person passes away.i'm sure God has a very special place for these very special people.

wrights chicken farm

last night some of the people from our church went out to rhode island to a place called wrights chicken farm.they serve all you can eat chicken,salad,macaroni with sauce and french fries. we had a realy nice time and it helps get those poeple in Southbridge out to another state,only kidding.
i like these events because im kind of a social person so this encompasses two of my passions eating and talking.
its nice to be with people on social events that take us away from the church.it allows us to talk about the things going on in our lives and meet new people because some of us bring friends or family with us who would not other wise take the time to attend church or maybe they are not of the orthodox faith,since many of us are converts.we also do not push religion when we do these things so no one feels like their being evngalised to fr.peter says "no sheep stealing ".
Jesus spend many times in the bible eating with people by doing these types of meals i understand why they were so important to the bringing in of the fold.people need to have their basic needs meet first then you can work on their spiritual needs when they are ready.i think it was marslow (a phsychiatrist) who studied and defined mans higher atrctical needs he said basic needs must be met then you keep moving up the ladder until you can help meet their social and spiritual needs allowing them to become a complete person.

memory eternal

today sarted off by my husband and i attending a 40 day memorial service for one of our parishioners.at the end of the service we did the memorial part where the priest prays and pours wine over a mixture of wheat,nuts, breadcrumbs and honey anyways toward the end of the service we sing "memory eternal" three times and father chants and may our memory be eternal from generation to generation.
i have never understood this part our we saying this for the sake of God, the dead or the living.
it can't be for God because he knows we are with him his son Jesus said all our hairs are numbered by him,he holds us in the palm of his hand and he considers us the apple of his eye. so its not for his sake.
could it be for the sake of the dead, well from what i understand even when we are dead we still need the prayers of the living to interceed for us, this is one of those things i'm not really all that clear about becuse when our time comes to be judged it will be between God and us and we will have to answer for our sins.
maybe its for the sake of the living because we are attached to the world and our lifes and have a need to be remembered. we need monuments and memorials and want our future generations to remember who we were.
back in the 70s there was a song it said "dust in the wind all we are is dust in the wind everything is dust in the wind. don't hang on nothing last forever but the earth and skis we drift away and all your money wont another minute buy."
i tend to like this song from what i understand we were put on this earth to glorify God by leaving his mark not ours on this world by touching other peoples lives. maybe i've missed the whole point of this song today maybe i'm making to much out of it.Benjamin Franklin said it doesn't matter what the future say about us we will be long gone and not hear it.

confession

i read with great interest this morning fr.peters' blog about helping to do over 100 hundred confessions at a church in Warren Mass. for the conversion of the emanuel church to the western rite orthodox church.(please check this out at fr.s' site www.frpeterpreble.com you will find this story interesting.)
i have only been a convert to the orthodox church for several years now and still to this day find cofessing the othodox way very uncomfortable,which i guess its supose to be.when i was catholic we got to go into a nice dark box kneel down and say bless me fr. for i have sinned, this was kind of nice because it gave you a starting off point a salutation of sorts like dear sir in a letter, it gave you time to get you mind in order.
to this day when i do confession with fr.peter,who is very soft spoken and gentle,i get all chocked up when he stops his praying and says alright say what you have sinned,not exactly in those words.its almost like an actor going on stage and hoping you don't forget your lines.i realize that i will not remeber everything i need to say even though i spend several days going over things in prayer i think are important, to say them all seems to escape me.
fr. always teases and says remember the first christians used to have to confess to the entire congregation in the front of the church when this all started.
fr. spoke in his blog about giving confession last night to people who had not been in more then 30 years.i myself was the same way when i did confession with fr.peter before i was chrismated into the orthodox faith.
we in the orthodox faith do not beleave in penance after confessions like the catholics do. this does not mean we should not be sorry for our sins and pray but its up to us and the priest, if he feels there is some act we need to do to make things right, we believe we need to go to our fr.the priest who knows and understands us best so we csn work these things out together.we also beleive that after you confess you are forgiven by God not by the priest.
it must be very hard to be a priest and listen to all those confessions i assume it must be like when im at work and a patient confides in me about a personal issue they are having i tend to zero in on the problem try to help them. when i leave the room a tear may come to my eye about their pain,i say a small prayer for them and move on to the next issue after i've helped make their problem right.
forgiveness is important not just for the sin but for your self, if you don't hear out loud what you have done wrong it will not be planted in your brain what you did and that its over now.its like being sick you can treat a cut but when the wound becomes to bad you must see a doctor and get the professional help you need.
mother theresa,who went to confession every week, said our soul is like a crystal and our sins are like dust that accumulates if you do not clear the dust off, it will never glow the way it should when the light hits it.so uncomfortable or not every now and then you need to have the dust blown away so Gods sunlight can shine through us to the rest of the world that is so desperately in need of his light.

ready to vote?

i am one of the lucky ones i know who i will be voting for for president. this should make me feel settled, right? wrong!! i'm realy disappointed in our choices this year and am tired of being constantly bombared by the media (for 19 months mind you) to vote for who they feel i should vote for.every chance they get they praise their choice, down the other side and throw thier opinon down my throat. i don't know about you but i remember when russia was a communist state and told their people who to vote for because they knew what was best not the people.
things like this frighten me it dosen't take much to push us over the line to laziness and allow our goverment to take care of us. this smacks of scocialism.
if the goverment takes care of us what is the point in working hard, you gain nothing in the end. what about original ideas and creativity? it can all be washed to the side and we can let the goverment be our parents. our we ready to give our righs away because we're to lazy to stand up and fight or to complacient or maybe just to tired.
its hard to fight its easier to lay down and give up.
how embarassed our fore fathers must be, you know the ones who signed the declaration of independence and pledged their life, libery and every thing they owned to make us free. i think it was benjamin franklin who said if you are willing to give up some liberty for security then you deserve neither liberty nor security.
so before you walk into the polling booth (or up to the polling desk i should say)
remember were all in this together either we sink or swim. we have always been very lucky to have the right president at the right time i just hope our luck is not running out.
i'll bet the romans never thought their empire would end but end it did and now they are nothing but a relic of history.i don't know about you but i think democracy and capitalism are worth saving. but only time will tell.

parental influence and money

i got to thinking about money the other day and how i raised my child. when my son was growing up we did not have alot but we did alright we had a small house, food on the table and heat unfortunately we also had credit cards which i never ran up huge bills but always had credit debit.i tried to instill in him the importance of having a good credit rating and trying to keep debit free,i would tell him if you have a good credit history you are in charge of the loans you can take out your not stuck taking loans that are given to you.
well being from his generation he made foolish moves with his credit and although he has paid his bills off he is now going to reap the consiquinces if some day he decides to buy a house, credit intrest will be what they give him not what he can negotiate for.
many younge people from his age group have filed bankrupcy and are unable to pay debit that is way out of their reach. my mother used to say "people get married today and want all the things it took your father and i thirty years of married life to work for."
but i can say on the plus side of money my son is generous to the poor he will stop and buy someone food or give change to someone who is begging and the other day i heard him say we'll money isn't all their is in this life using it for the things you need is more important the just the things you want, may be we has parents in the end do have an influence on our children maybe they need to make the mistakes in order to realize what we said made sense can you imagine, maybe something i said stuck somewhere, you just never know.

the great depression

sunday evening i was watching a program on the history channel about the dust bowl, trust me i learned more about sand then i really wanted to know,anyways it told how the people who stayed tried to survive. the goverment at the time would not help them because they were also in the midst of the great depression and fdr wasn't in office yet.
this morning i got to thinking about my grandparents who were young married adults with children an immigrats to this country from canada.when my grandparents were growing up they came from large families and were farm hands. none of them had more then a grade school education and left canada because there was no work but this would work toward their favor when the depression hit because these were people who not only knew how to live with out but also beleaved in saving money, not a great deal but enough to get by.my granparents had vegtable gardens(even though they always rented apartments none of them owned property)they raised chickens, canned, made their childrens clothes,fixed their own shoes and bought only what they had to.
these people were also deeply religous and never expected to own everything they wanted and probably didn't care if they ever did they made do. They were close knit familys who helped not only relatives but neighbors and friends when able..
i remember my parents telling me when they were growing up the played board games after supper my mothers father painted a board game on an oil cloth and they used buttons has playing pieces,when my mothers mother passed away at 46 years old during world war 2 she had saved $900. for her 3 children to split ( today most people who work and make good money can not save a dime because our need for material things is way out of whack we want quick gratification)
they were a brave tough group and don't get alot of recognition for the kind of people they were.we talk about the greatest generation the ones who fought selflisly in ww2 but lets remember who raised those people to be who they were. these people didn't have much but they loved their children and this was proven has we their grandchildren grew up we were blessed with many loving aunts and uncles and has cousins we are always there for each other. what more of a legacy can you leave future generations then to be a loving family to each other.

innocence

a few nights ago while flipping through the channels i came accross the last 20 minutes of the movie "where the boys are" since there wasn't anything else on i thought i'd watch it.the story was about some college kids who came to the beach for break anyways in one of the last parts of the movie the pretty blonde girl is hanging around with the wrong kind of guy,you know the kind that drinks and parties with his bad friends. she decides to call him to meet her at a hotel well in walks one of his druken friends. she stands there and says"no,no, oh please no" she dosen't try to leave and they insinuate that she gets raped. she calls her friends to come get her and they find her walking down the center of the street all disshoveled. she ends up in the hospital were she acts like its all her fault and says something along the line of "now i'll never be able to marry a nice man."
my friend martha told me that this movie was considered very racey in its time. when she went to nursing school in 1968 she was so innocent she had no idea about the male form until she took anatomy and did her hospital clinicals
wow have things changed
now days you can't even watch a commercial on tv without seeing woman in bras and men in briefs. i'm no prude but commercials about femminen highgene products are offensive to me.there are times and places to talk and show these things and why do we feel its alright for children to see this stuff on primetime. we seem to want our children to grow up to fast and i can't understand what it is we feel is so wrong about letting kids be kids and not forcing things like birth control, homosexuality and condoms on kids in grammar school (some even has young has kidnergarden), when i was a child i was pretty protected by my parents and didn't see things on tv that could not be viewed by the whole family.true the shows back in the 70's were pretty corny but they at least had values,morals and consiquences. i don't watch many prime time shows any more because all of it is toilet humor even the kids cartoons.
we have an entire life to be an adult but only a small number of years to be a care free, fun loving child.why do we insist on denying our children what we were given the chance to be innocent.

waltzing

i don't think there is anything more beautiful then two people dancing the waltz. a man in a cut away and tails and a woman in a light flowing dress dancing on the floor in rythme and moving has one. i have to admit there are many times while going through the t.v. channels i have stumbled apon Fred Astair and i will sit through the whole silly thing just to watch this master of dance with his co-star waltz across the floor it bring my heart to a flutter.
when i was a senior in high school my friend laura (not the laura i have recently blogged about)and i took an adult ball room dance class, once a week for 6 weeks we would spend an hour trying to learn the beauty and grace of ball room dancing.it is very difficult to pick up at first being a woman, because you have to learn not to lead but follow and to have your partner push you backward which is very unnatural. the man your with moves you 2 steps backwards then you take 2 steps forward(good education on dealing with men,he pushes you 2 steps back then you take two steps forward again) well at the end of six weeks i discovered that i eventualy had a right and left foot, not just 2 left feet and it was alot of fun. this all worked out very well because i graduated in 1976 and many a night after work my friends and i hit the disco sciene (look out John Trevolta)
well its been many years since i have truely waltzed and with lack of practice comes lack of skills . several weeks ago while flipping through the tv channels i came across my favorite movie "The King and I" it was at the part were Anna and the king were about to polka. the king puts his arm around Annas' waist draws her to him and they start to dance at this point i'm just swept away(yul brenner what a guy). isn't it funny how we spend money on all kinds of silly things we think will make us happy when all of a sudden we realize its the simple things in life, like dancing, that give us the gradification we are really looking for .

adult education last night

last night my husband and i attended an adult education class at our church,St. Michael in South bridge, Fr. Peter decided it would be good to get together and speak about what our church feels about the issues of the coming elections, how we has
orthodox Christians should view both parties and make an informed decision regarding our belief has Christians. we did not speak about candidates or their views but rather the views of the church fathers.
at this time our orthodox bishops have not come forward to make these views know so Fr. read off of the views of the catholic bishops whom we accept and follow in most points of view. we spoke alot about illegal aliens and how the church views our christian position. many people seemed angry that these aliens are allowed to live in this country and receive the same if not better rights like health care,homes and jobs.
i work with many people who are legal from other countries, i used to become and still do at times,feel this anger but the more i listen to these immigrants stories about how wonderful and how bad it was for them back home the more i realize that these are all people struggling to get by with much less then i have.i have been blessed with a house a good paying job, food and heat.(yes i also worked hard for these things they were not handed to me)their are many people who work multiple jobs for little pay and little respect. i do not beleave we should open this country up to every one nor do i believe that we need any more illegal people living off the system but i do believe that the candidates running for office need to take the time to address these issues even if they only say when i get in office i will address these problems.
both candidates right now are afraid to say anything that will hurt their chances to get in.personally i would like to hear some straight talk if you want to be the leader of this country then act like a leader not like a follower.
the day i vote i will walk in vote and what ever happens the next day happens.It may not be the person i pick who gets in but i hope who ever gets in will be a leader and stand up for something.

Tiger and Milo

we have two cats at our house Tiger and Milo. Tiger is probably about 12 years old, grey in color with black stripes. he showed up on our door step half starved and every morning my husband would feed him then one day he walked into the house like he owned the place we had him fixed and he's been ours ever since.
the first time i brought him to the vets' office the receptionist asked me what his name was. up until this time we just called him kitty or cat so i opened my mouth and out came Tiger and that's been his name ever since.
i do love Tiger he is my favorite he is truly a Garfield kitty his only aim in life is to eat and sleep.he demands that his two small food bowels be kept full at all times or he will sit between the kitchen and parlor look at you and meow if this does not work he will keep taking steps forward and meow until he is in your face,he does not give up easily.the thought of physical activity or catching a mouse is a real turn off for him and he just absolutely refuses to think about such things.
on my days off after my husband gets up Tiger comes and lays with me while i read my bible and pray, all he needs is several pats on the head and he lays near me
until i get up go down stairs and -feed him of course.
Milo was my sons cat,when he decided to join the army, full time he was going to put him in a shelter
i could not let this happen so i told my son to bring him to me.at first i did not like him he was small, scrawny and not very lovable but with time i seem to like him more.Milo is very independent, bossy and scared of most noises. he has what i call cattitude
he walks with his head and tail in the air and thinks he is quite important.he does not get along with any cat in the neighborhood and i guess being so runty he has a Napoleonic complex.
Milo does have one friend who he enjoys spending time with and that is a white resin statue of an angora cat that sits on my bench near the bird feeder and bath. Milo is very smitten with this little blue eyed vixen and they sit together for hours watching the birds fly by.I'm afraid Milo is in for heartache soon because with winter coming it will soon be time to put the bird bath and miss kitty in the cellar. alas amore has Shakespeare so eloquently put it "it is better to haved loved and losted then never to have loved at all."
but don't feel to sad because come spring when the bird bath goes back out I'm sure Milo will be pleasantly surprised by what will be sitting on the bench near the bird feeder waiting for him. isn't love just wonderful