Wednesday, October 29, 2008

imploder vs. exploder

this morning started out by my thinking about explosive and implosive people.
so after having breakfast i went to kiss the boo-boos site and Laura had posted on anger. funny how things happen..esp...woo i wonder..scary...God works in mysterious ways....
any ways when i was in nursing school during my last quarter we had to do what was called "leadership", we were required to go to the hospital site early ,pick 7 patients, read their case histories, then assign each students a patient, give them a run down and pass all the meds to these 7 patients,oh did i tell you after we got the meds we then had to explain the drugs,there side effects, why its used and why this patient is using this the end of the day you went to each student found out how his/her patient was and do a general review, give a report about each patient how their day went and out comes of test.
when my day came to do this my instructor decided one of the patients i was to do had over 20 medications and 2 shots i explained to the instructor i though this would be to difficult for me,she just walked away.
in the hospital they use machines to dispense the medications you push the patients code and doors start to open,hit the wrong button and all the doors and draws open, hit another and they all slam shut and to add to the excitement other nurses on the floor trying impatiently to get what they need.
this machine and i were not on friendly terms it always gave me a hard time and frustration turned into anxiety and true to form my leadership day was no different.
after what seemed like forever i got all the drugs for this woman then drew up the syringes after explaininmg all the drugs to my instructor we walked down to the patients room, only for me to almost have an anxiety attack.with sweat dripping off me and my heart racing to the point i thought i would pass out we walked into the room i did all the right things and when i uncapped the syringe with the insulin the needle was bent.i just stood there and stared at it thinking my nursing career was melting in front of my instructor took the needle away from me,we told the patient we'd be back.she then told the other students to get ready they were passing their own drugs today.
later the instuctor told me there are two types of people exploders and imploders and i was definitely an imploder.needless to say i spent the next 3 days proving to her i would be safe has a nurse passing all the other students drugs with no problems,even the machine co operated with me.
so here we are some people are exploders, my husband is one of these,every little thing can set him off not finding a pen or book can send him into a state of panic and anger with all those names of the almighty coming out every remedy i either try to help him find what he's looking for, laugh because i can't see why any one would get so upset over some thing so mundane,or i take off until he feels his defense he has calmed down with age and with going to church.
i on the other hand am an imploder i tend to get angry with myself and feel like a failure.usually i walk away or ignore what just happened, my mother used to say "once
you say something you can never take it back the wound will always be there so watch what you say". in my defense i have become better my friend fr. peter has made me see that its alright to get angry we all i try to pick my battles and decide if this is worth my anger, am i getting angry because of the problem facing me or some thing else under lying that is just setting me off.
we all have anger issues we just need to put them into context try to figure out why were angry,ask for forgiveness for what we've done and remember even Jesus got angry but when he did he did it for a reason or to prove a point. Jesus also shows us that every one needs quite times, meditation and prayer we need to center our selves
in order to handle our problems.
usually if we are always angry its because we are not taking the time to let God help us. we think we can do it all by our selves handle every thing goes against our grain to love an angry person but sometimes we need to understand that is what God meant when he stressed love and forgive, not only of others but also of our selves


Walt Trachim said...

I'm an imploder too, Linda. I feel your pain.

When I was in Paramedic school, we had a similar thing with pharmacology and the number of drugs we had to learn. I think we had to learn a total of 60 drugs or something like that: class, indications, contraindications, dosages, side effects, etc. I had a really hard time with that - for some reason I couldn't get my memorization skills to work with meds. It was crazy, and it nearly got me kicked out of school. And I fell apart regularly.

Somehow I managed to pull it out, and what is really strange is now if I have to learn a drug it comes fast. Plus I keep all manner of reference guides with me when I'm working - that does help....

linda said...

i think once the stress of school is off your brain relaxes and you can remember things. its to bad school has to be so tough it puts you in the position of not enjoying has much has you could.i always tell people, when they ask me what lpn school was like, that it was 10 months of nursing boot camp

Laura said...

Linda: I see what you mean about similar brain waves. You are able to once again, give it a different perspective. We certainly get your personnal message as well as Walts. People around me were (now that I have a technical term), explosive people. Yet,I don't know where I fit into that maze. Good post.