Monday, March 30, 2009

Change or Fear?

I am starting to hear a great deal of complaints from people who are afraid of the way the government is headed.Questions of whether or not what our government is doing is unconstitutional.Many are beginning to think they are.
This administration frightened me even before they got into office.Socialism is not were this country should be headed.It makes me even more nervous when the Republican party does not stand up and fight and the media won't publish our loss of rights.
We as a people are a united country, set up by men who lived under a king and understood that the government should not enter into our private lives.They do not have a right to stifle our speech and name call or make the average man feel stupid.What exactly does this group of governing people have in mind? Why are they trying to destroy our way of life?
Big government is not good but Big Brother is even worse and right now I sense that we are headed toward big brother ideology's.Not only does the government want to run our lives they want to run our businesses and finances.
Our government was set up with checks and balances so no part of the government would become more powerful then another.It seems like this administration is blurring these lines by taking over things like the census bureau.Why are the members of the house and senate allowing such things?Where is their out rage and where is ours?
We live in a country that when our politicians become messed up we have the right to take them to task.Did you know they work for us? They do and we have a right to say no more or your out come next election.
I live in Conn.and have not voted for Chris Dodd in twenty years.Why? because he's a long term senator who has taken enough from the government and needs to get a job.He's become fat and lazy and talks in circles.Its hard for me to know even who to complain to but I think I'll start by writing a letter to Sen.Joe Lieberman he is one of the few Representatives in this state who is somewhat honest and may not agree with me but at least will know where I stand.
Are you fed up with all this garbage and what the government is doing? Take some time to write some letters and let these people know they work for you not the other way around.Remember who we are as people and take a stand.Start a tea party in your state let them know you count. Use your vote to take them out of office,wake them up in Washington and in your state too.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

ham shoot

Once again was another busy weekend that just flew by.It seems like when my days are busy they truly are busy.This weekend I worked,my hours are 7 to 3 but I never get out of work by 3.there are always last minute treatments,giving report,counting the narcotics and note writing.On a good day I can make it out by 3:20 but most days its more like 4pm.
Saturday was our churchs 3rd ham shoot and spaghetti supper.I left work at 4:15 ran to the bank for money,went home and sat for 20 minutes,changed clothes ran to the local VFW got some take out corned beef and cabbage from their supper,we try to support them when we can,then back home to put it away and off to the supper at the church.
When I got there my husband said "Hey look who made it" we walked over to where Laura and John were sitting to eat supper.What a nice surprise every one waited for me to come so we could all eat together,now there are some real friends I'm sure they were all hungry but they waited just for me.I have to tell you the three of them are just the sweetest.
Later we had a few beers and bought tickets for the ham shoot.Even though my luck was off the company and the popcorn was good and although it was a fun evening I was glad to get home and go to bed.6AM comes early if you don't get enough sleep...

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Shame,Shame on you!!!

If you get a chance read Fr.Peters' post entitle "Shame".It seems the American Orthodox Institute published a video of Archbishop Demetrius,of the Greek arch diocese, giving his support to President Obama and comparing him to Alexander The Great.Unfortunately the archbishop seems to have forgotten that he, as an Orthodox leader of his Archdiocese, has certain principles that the church believes in namely "right to life" from the womb to the tomb.
Our new President is very clear on the fact that all life is not sacred to him, abortion and fetal stem cell research are fine even when it means we help financially support other countries abortion issues.
The Archbishop in his need to appease and be liked as forgotten that leadership comes with a price and that it is not always a popular position to be in.Many of our hierarchy in the orthodox faith were not born or raised in this country most came from communism where pleasing the government meant keeping your church and yourself alive.
This is the United States of America here we are governed by the people and as such have constitutional freedoms namely the right to religion and free speech.The importance of being united means strength.
If we can not have our hierarchy understand that their job is to push forward the truth of the teachings of the church why are they leaders of the church?When Nancy Pelossi went to Rome she was told in no uncertain words by the Pope,that being Catholic means not supporting abortion.The church spoke now what she does with what she was told is up to her but at least the leader of the church said what needed to be said.
The reason I believe in Orthodoxy is because I believe in the teaching of Jesus Christ handed down to the apostles spread through the world through history to this day.
Although I am no saint and I hold certain personal beliefs I understand that the churches beliefs and mine may differ but the interpretations where made clear to me by my priest and the teaching of the church and as such need to be respected.
To Compare our president to Alexander The Great is not so flattering when you realize what he did had nothing to do with uniting people in freedom it had to do with building an empire.If you want to be complemented be compared to Abraham Lincoln,Martin Luther King Jr.or George Washington.These were leaders who tried to do for the good of the people and the nation not for the good of an Empire or a king.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

the long haul

Many years ago I had a friend, who I'll call Sandi.she was a very nice person but had this issue she always wanted the men she could not have in her life.If she was single she would go after guys who were not interested in her.She worked very hard on getting them then when she had them she would be unhappy and start looking for someone else.
She didn't really care if they were married or single and she didn't care if she was married or single.Last count I knew she was up to marriage 4 or 5 and had lived with multiple men in between.
In this whole mess she had a daughter,who is now in her 30s and in the military,who also lived this life style coming to know multiple men has her step fathers and mothers friends.
I was never really sure why she had this need for change always needing the challenge but never learning how to run a relationship.Never learning to stand by some one through the good and the bad times.
All things in life at some point become old.Marriage is difficult but the rewards over the long haul are well worth it.This constant need she had for the hunt and capture seemed more important to her then what to do with this new love of her life over the long run.
We all need to be loved,cared for and appreciated but we don't understand that love is a two way street and what we want is also something we need to be willing to give in return.Its not all about us and how happy we are and how everything feels good.True commitment requires patients and caring even through the stormy days.In the fall we plant bulbs in the ground they face the harsh weather of winter and their roots become strong then come spring the flowers bloom.In relationships with people we have our high and low points but walking away can in many times be the wrong move some times airing our grudges allows us to start anew just like the spring flowers we will also bloom again.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

spiritual mood

Doesn't it just make you crazy when you're in a spiritual mood, seeing good things you have to carry out and the people around you just don't see the obvious they see the worldly?
What do i mean by this you may ask? Take for example the first year I attended the 12 gospels service, which is done during holy week.Before the service started I had the older gentlemen,who was the door greeter at the time, come to me and ask me if I wanted to buy one of the 12 candles being used in the service for Saturday evening vigil for Easter.I was shocked all I could think of was "didn't Jesus flip the tables in the temple just for this reason". This did not sit well with me after all those years of being a catholic I could not understand first some one was talking to me at the start of a service and second why was he was trying to sell me candles for... now?...
Recently my friend Laura and I went to St.Anne shrine, in Sturbridge, mass.We got to talking about faith and she made a very important point to me.She explained that as we grow in faith we deal with people who still need to grow to the point were at and we should be patient until they catch up.We may have a foot worth of faith while others have an inch and because of that we need to show by example and help them like an older sibling helps a younger one.
Granted sometimes this can be very annoying and its difficult to understand what is in their minds when our own minds are set on something more spiritual and higher.The Bible points out that as we grow in faith we become more and more removed from earthly things and grow closer to Godly things.We begin to see by faith.
To those much is given much is expected and that does not just mean money it also means patience,talent,understanding and teachings.
We have to remember some people are not as spiritual as we are but then again we are not as spiritual as others are and I'm sure we annoy the heck out of them .

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Where are all our people?

Last night my husband and I went to St. Nicks' for presanctified liturgy. The turn out of St.mikes' people was about 9 or 10 not bad I thought for a wed. evening service at a neighboring church.
After liturgy we went into the hall for a light meal and as we were about to sit down one of our members said "Were are all our people?" granted Its a good question but probably not the best timing in front of our host.
The evening went well and on our drive home I teased my husband and said "were are all our people?" my husband laughed and said yeah maybe the person who made that remark should take as much time making phone calls before wed. evening services as he dose calling people after officers council meetings.
To get back on track though "Where are all our people?" Several reasons I'm sure have to do with the age of the church population.Most do not like to go out at night,some I'm sure have spent many years attending these services and are just plain tired of them,some don't get along with members of other churches and some just are not that religious and see no real need to attend church except on Sunday.
We have very few real young people who attend our church.Many young people do not attend church because they feel it was something they were forced to do as children,they attend school or have jobs and are centered on their lives and at present that does not include a devotion of God, many feel they believe in God but do not need a real relationship with him and those who do believe in God are trying out different less restrictive more feel good churches.
I know several people in my own age group who spent very little to no times teaching their children about God. Why? because they felt wronged by their priest or church.One girl I knew had a child out of wedlock and when she asked the priest to baptise him the priest said no because she was not married.she did eventually find a young priest who did it but it turned her off from the church. Another friend had an abusive farther who cheated openly on his wife and beat his children.Every Sunday he insisted that the children attend church even though he did not.So when she grew up she refused to have her child baptised or attend any type of church,she felt they were all hypocrites.
Every one has a story.Many people are unchurched and want to stay that way because religion is painful and confusing to them.I think in order to get people into the church personal needs of those in pain have to be met first then they can move forward with belief and worship.
You know when Jesus came down to earth he came to gather the lost and hurt sheep. He helped them to understand that religion should not hurt and that there is more to religion and faith then confusion and rules.Laws were made for man,Man was not made for laws.I believe we are at the same point Jesus was,Today we have the opportunity to gather the wounded sheep together and assist them to understand that real religion,when done properly, has allot to offer.The rules are not as important as the love of the church.
In our bedroom is an etching of Jesus holding a lamb on his shoulder,the lambs face is across Jesus shoulder and most of Jesus face in the lambs fur hugging him.This to me is what Gods' love is and what Gods' churches should be.We have the opportunity to help the wounded battered sheep and bring them back to the purity of what religion is really suppose to be about. Love should not hurt especially Gods' love.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I am

It always amazes me how you can read something from the Bible and all of a sudden,like a lightening bolt out of the blue it just hits you and it all becomes so clear.
That happened to me this morning while reading John 9:5 which says "As long as I am in the world,I am the light of the world." Suddenly I remembered Moses when he was talking to the burning bush and said "Who shall I say sent me?" and God said "tell them I am sent you" Then I remembered reading a passage earlier John 8:58 which said "Most assuredly I say to you before Abraham was I am".Suddenly the whole term "I am" made sense to me. Jesus was not talking about just himself he was talking also about God "I am" was the two of them before Jesus came to earth he was in heaven with his father and was part of "I am" God is part of Jesus on earth and is part of "I am".
Its funny how those things just seem to happen.You can read something multiple times and things don't click in,its just words in a story Then suddenly bang its clear.I guess that's the joy of reading the Bible.Just when you think you've read and understand everything God brings a little more enlightenment and suddenly it all seems new again.You start reading just a little closer waiting for another lightening bolt. Isn't God just amazing?

Monday, March 16, 2009

Its a Beautiful Day

What a day although the sun did not come out much today the weather was warm and a great day to do things.The morning started out with going to the bank then home to call a friend to see how she was doing then off to clean my car.I only planned on washing the windows but before I knew it I was at the car wash vacuuming and having the car washed,then off to the local health food store to buy some essential oil no special reason just because I wanted some and ended up buying a small bottle of jasmine(now if I can figure out where I put the bottle that will be even better).
Then home to make my husband some home made soup for his cold and then did the dishes,which just seem to multiply.
Tonight my husband went to a church meeting so my son and I decided to go out to the 99 restaurant.They were playing Irish music,in honor of St.Patricks day which is tomorrow,we had supper,chocolate Irish cake with mousse and chocolate sauce and a large cup of Irish coffee a perfect ending to a lovely day.
To all those who are Irish:
"Erin go Borough" "Ireland Forever"

Sunday, March 15, 2009

The Ides of March

How was your day today? Was it good? Was it bad? On this day in 44 B.C. a roman leader had a really bad day.It seems Julies Cesar decided to make himself Supreme Ruler and after a celebration in honor of Mars,the god of war,Cesar had a meeting with the senate.While at the plaza the senate decided they didn't need a monarch and stabbed him to death.The ides of march was upon him.
Now Julies Cesar was a great military leader who enlarged and united Rome unfortunately as it goes with most military leaders they don't make very good rulers.Leading a military force who follows orders is allot easier then running a country with democratic ideas and opinions.
Julies was one of many up and coming Cesar's who was to be done in by not only the senate but also the military,family members and friends.None of these guys made it to long and most were pretty crazy but Rome was,in her hay day one of the greatest and mightiest empires the world as ever known. So hail Cesar..But beware the ides of March..sec sempter tyrannous (thus be it to tyrants)..

Respect and Authority

The end of my work day is usually my best time of day.Today as I was ending my med pass one of the aides said "I like working with you,your never on my case,you don't get upset and start ordering me around and you always say please and thank you for the things i do.Allot of nurse will yell or boss me around just because they want to not for any special reason, but you don't do that."
After some embarrassment I thanked her and explained that if she shows she cares about the patients,respects them,does her job the best she can and keeps her charges safe then I have no reason to push my authority on her.
In the bible Jesus talks about authority and how if you have it over others you need to be fair and treat others as you would want to be treated.
I was an aid for many years before I became a nurse it is one of the hardest jobs you can imagine both physically and emotionally and in order to be good at it you must be totally submissive to your patients needs because of this I understand how difficult a job it can be.
Aides do not get paid well,they do the grunt work are verbally and some times physically abused by the patients in their care and are told what to do by everyone.
Nursing homes get bad raps but when you have good nurses and aides you have good nursing homes because we are the front line.
Although I always fine compliments like this embarrassing it also makes me feel good because I know that open lines of communication between nurse and aides are important and a good rapore makes for a smooth working team.
Respect is important and the more authority you wheeled the more respect you need to give.I always tell the aides that their job is just as important as my job.We all hold different positions but we need to inter connect.If they do a good job,I do a good job and it goes all the way up the line.
Last year when we had our state survey done we took the number one position of all the nursing homes surveyed last year.So good team work pays off in the end.We need to remember were all in this together.The importance of respect and kindness can never be to under rated or to over estimated Were all human beings and we all need to feel what we do is important and appreciated.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

making better food choices during lent

During the past few weeks of lent I have been trying to eat better then I normally do during the last few Lents.
I've been trying to keep the carbs down and when I do eat them I try to eat multi grains rather then white breads or pastas.
Dairy is the hardest thing for me to give up I crave cheese and ice cream allot so I try to substitute soy for milk but you have to find good soy products cause some can be pretty disgusting.I have found a very good soy yogurt put out by stony brook its all natural,creamy has fruit on the bottom and actually taste good.
Soy milk does not taste to bad if its cold,it comes in flavors and the best where taste is concerned is Eden soy.I use soy for my cereal,coffee and to replace milk when i cook,the only problem is some people are very allergic to soy so its not something you want to do for wed.evening meal,after the presanctified liturgy.
Since meat is off the list of can eats I eat allot of peanut butter which is quick and easy when your in a hurry but its really quite fattening so now I've gone to several handfuls of mixed raw nuts in the afternoon.Target has great big jars with screw tops containing six different kinds of mixed raw nuts which i keep in the fridge its great for a quick snack and some protein.
This time of year fish becomes more important but I have to watch the amount of tuna I consume by the end of last lent i could not stand the sight or smell of tuna for at least six months.Now i try to be more creative saving the fish for supper time rather then lunch.
I've tried to incorporate more fruit and raw vegetables in my lunch time meals and drinking more water and iced green tea.
Although fasting is not suppose to be about spending time worrying about food I have found that its easier for me to make better choices about what I put in my mouth if I have a game plan and if I'm going to fast why not try and do it in a healthy way instead of just throwing junk into my mouth and getting fatter.Lately when I go out at lunch time instead of stopping at fast food restaurants I stop at a small local grocery store and buy fruit,raw vegtables or soup rather then eating fat laden fish with tarter sauce on white bread loaded with calories.
Now if we can just get the weather to get warm and cooperate I'll be able to put my head phones on and take some nice meditative walks listening to some soothing music and stopping at St.Josephs catholic church,on my way home.Say a few prayers in this large candle lit church with the smell of burning bee's wax all around and just listen to the quite stillness of nothingness.
Quite meditation that's what lent is really about,the beauty and stillness of God presence how awesome.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

March on Hartford yesterday

In today's telegram and gazette on page 12 was the story of the thousands of people who showed up in Hartford wed. to protest the regulation of catholic parish boards and anti catholic bills.
The sponsors of the now withdrawn proposal,both catholic themselves,have received thousands of angry emails from across the country.
There was an estimated 3,500 people led by the archbishop of Hartford and the bishops of Bridgeport and Hartford to rally on the capital steps,demanding religious freedom.
The problem as been that an estimated 1.3 millon catholics in conn.have complained about the state legalizing civil unions for same sex couples,approving state funding for embryonic stem cell research and considering legalisation that bans discrimination against transgender people.
The catholics were also angered by a failed attempt in 2002 to require priest to report sexual abuse even if it was learned about during confession-if a child was in imminent danger.
The new bill would have changed a generation old law that sets out rules for religious corporations.
Under the new proposal each individual church's board would include 7 to 13 lay members,giving them the power to control parish finances with the archbishop or bishop of the diocese serving on the board but not being able to vote on issues.
Because of several cases of embezzlement by parish priest in Daren and Greenwich some parishioners asked Judiciary committee to raise a bill this session to require more lay people on these boards.
This bill as now been tabled with the Gov.Rell saying it was incorrect and unconstitutional to attempt this and she gives her disapproval about this whole situation, which she should have done earlier then tuesday.
So this is where we stand in my state. the important thing here is when your rights are threatened stand up the best way you can write a letter,send an email,make a phone call or go out and protest and just say no.If not you will have no rights and no religion and we are,according to our constitution, given these freedoms by God himself.But becareful because these rights can be taken away by man if we allow ourselves to become complacent.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Possible March on Hartford tomorrow A.M.

Heres a story from my dear state of Conn.It seems Sen.Andrew McDonald of Stanford and Rep.Micheal Lawlor from East Haven have introduced a bill (S.B. 1098)
Seems they feel that some of the Conn.Catholic Churches are questionably corrupt so to keep these churches on the straight and narrow they have decided it would be a good idea to appoint lay people from each church to be over seers of these financial situations and both priest and bishops would not be allowed any imput.
Does this sound like a good idea? It's an embarrassment to have to say this to these guys but its illegal.It is against the constitution of the counry.We have a separation of church and state.You can not dictate how the Catholic churches can run their financial,administrative and legal structure.
This is not only constitutional wrong but it goes against the churches apolistic structure. Tomorrow march 11th,there will be a meeting in Hartford at 12noon room 2c, in the legislative building,The archdiocese of Hartford is asking every parish of the Harford diocese be represented by 6 to 10 parishioners.Glen Beck said today that there may be a march on Hartford tomorrow A.M.

If you would like to email this so called sen. and rep. here are their emails... tel.1-800-842-1420 tel 1-800-842-8267

Do you feel this does not effect you because its the Catholic church? just remember were the Catholic Church goes so goes the rest of us.Stand up,be heard or be Russia

100 years old.

One of our parishioners just turned 100 Sunday and what a happy healthy person she is.
In the 23 years I have worked in nursing homes I can honestly say I have only worked with several people who have made it to one hundred years of age.One of the gentlemen who was in the VFW with my father lived to be about 103 years old,he served in ww2 and was one of the oldest men to volunteer for the military,he also was very spry and very intelligent.
Not many people are able to live to be 100 and still be reasonably healthy and happy.
Most people I have talked to say they would love to live to be 100 if they could be healthy but most people do not realize that just because you live to be so old does not mean your spouse,children or friends will also have such good fortune.It seems you must be a very adaptable person to live to such an age.
Of the people I have know who have lived so long most of them are woman and most will tell you they led a very balanced life nothing in excess.They may smoke or drink but only once a day,they are not over weight and like to walk and they seem to have a happy out look about life not living in just the past but looking forward to what is going on in the future.
It always impresses me to think of all the changes these people have seen from the time they were children to this present day.Electricity,indoor plumbing, refrigerators and on and on.some things for the better some things for the worse.
Well happy birthday and long life Alexandra and many more years of good health because in the end that is what life is all about.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Be Still and Know God

How many times in a day do we stop and just not think of anything?Can we really be silent and still.
At our retreat on Saturday one of the things we talked about was silence and stillness.
In this country being still and silent is almost a national sin.Every one,young and old,feels a need to be in constant noise and motion.Cell phones,t.v.s,ipods never alone at any point through out the day.instant access is the key word.
When we think of meditation we think of religions like Buddhism or Hinduism.Only religious people like nuns,monks or priest can do this not us because were to busy,to sinful or just to tired or maybe we feel our family and friends will think were religious fanatics.
Probably one of the hardest things to do is be silent.Does 5 minutes seem like a short amount of time? try to silence your mind and be still and it can seem like an eternity.
I once read that our minds are like a pond when you throw a stone in the pond it causes ripples and does not allow you to see the bottom all seems clean because we are deceived by the ripples but when the pond is still we can see all the way to the bottom.Under the surface of the water are all kinda of things not just fish and frogs but also old tires,tin cans and broken bottles.When we meditate we have to deal with the bottom of the pond the good and the junk all the things we don't pay attention to when our world is in a whirl wind of ripples.
But in order to have a healthy clean pond we need to bring the muck to the surface evaluate it and deal with it, be it through confession or seeking help from our spiritual fathers.
Stillness,if done for a long enough period of time,can become something to look forward to.Discovering things about ourselves can be very up lifting and profound.It can give us insight and help us become more tranquil both inside and out helping us to keep our spiritual and human scales in balance.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

retreat day

well today was my first retreat and I must say it was quite interesting and eventful.The topic was "Lent in the Family and Stillness"
We spent time talking about lent what it means to us and how we and our families try to observe it.we talked about stillness and how we need to achieve it slowly by 10 minute increments twice a day and how God had touched our lives,Always a very interesting subject.
We had a nice coffee hour then lunch and rest periods in between. Got to meet some new people and get closer to each other.Its amazing how inside we are all alike and how we each find comfort in each other.
After our retreat we attended vespers and our bishop showed up for his weekend at our church.
We had a beautiful day the weather was wonderful and during our retreat we got to see some very large birds flying by the trees on the side of the church,I'm so glad fr. had the windows replaced.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

designer babies

want a baby? how about a designer baby?
How tall do you want your child to be? what color eyes? how about hair color got a preference?
Well soon you may be able to design your child. Although the company working on this new gene technology says it will only be used to help parents with genetic disorders avoid having children with these diseases.A good thing I'll admit,but where does it stop?
Should we be picking how we want our children to be designed? chance is not good enough for us? Will we become gods not only being able to create but also design the children we want.My how Hitler would have loved this technology.
This all seems very wrong to me.The joy of having a child with your spouse is being able to look at this child as it grows and see your mothers eyes,your grandfathers height your spouses smile his grandmothers delicate hands.
We are a make up of all our past generations not just outward appearances but inward immunity strenghts and weaknesses.
For many generations we have been a species that as survived because of our fitness.The strong survive but the weak fall by the wayside. This is how we evolved.
who is to say that if we start playing with our genes we will like the out come.What if some thing is removed and we end up with worse diseases stronger more virulent just look what the over use of antibiotics as done to us.
I think if a disease like down syndrome can be avoided that is a good thing but what are the ramifications of just playing with genes and changing things we like or don't like.
I don't remember much of what I've read in Revelation but one thing i do remember is a passage that says something about the living envying the dead because they will wish they could die but will not be able to.Some times i think this may mean that we will have such great medicine we will never be able to die there will be new organs,body parts and designer babies we will live forever.
I'm told that our first sin was pride when the snake told Eve to eat of the apple she would be equal to God and she felt that because she could give life there was no reason she could not be a god.Don't think were above their mistakes because you may find out we're no smarter then they are just more prideful.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

the fast

The fast begins in full this week for our Lenten season.
When I was Catholic Lent always started out by deciding what I would give up for 40 days.Usually I would try to pick one thing that I truly favored like chocolate or tv and would do pretty well with that one thing.But being orthodox requires a whole list of things to give up: meat,fish with a spine,olive oil,dairy,wine and I'm sure there is something else I'm missing because there is always something else,orthodoxy is like that.
Some days can be much more difficult to give these things up and when I'm having an especially tough time of it on those days,I just work on giving up one thing until my resolve comes back to me.
I try to remind myself that this is not a sacrifice it is a discipline,which we are all lacking and if I fail on one day I just try better the next.Fasting is not to deprive our selves its to help strenghten us.It is believed if we can control what we put into our mouths it will be much easier to control what comes out of our mouths and believe me not putting into my mouth is always easier then not letting certain unnecessary speech come out of my mouth.
Anyways I have resolved that being a human being and not a very saintly one at that,there is only so much success one can expect and it is far more important to try and fail then not try at all.Maybe that's what fasting really is its the understanding that not being perfect does not mean giving up.It means getting back up and trying again and again and again until we get a glimpse of where we need to be.
success is not always measured in feet or yards but sometimes in inches and every inch counts for something and helps us to build on our foundation which is our belief in God.
God does not expect us to be perfect he expects us to be human but I think he wants us to be the better part of human which is something we need to work on daily.He wants us at some point in our day to realize what we are saying or doing is not the direction we need to be in and make the correction.
Jesus said all the law lays on the fact that we must love God will all our heart soul and mind and we should love our neighbors.That's all he ask.It seems so simple doesn't it? But its not its the most difficult thing you will do with your day.It requires you to be patient when your full of anger,kind when you are upset,understanding when you are resentful and caring when your hurried.
Love is not easy it is very opposite to our daily emotions it goes against the grain and takes time to think about and put into practice,especially with total strangers or our enemies.
During lent there are always two books I try to read,even if I don't finish them during the appointed 40 days.One is the orthodox way and the second is the teachings of St.Francis.Both books help me to try to remember I am a spiritual person and how to acquire,through simple acts,true focus in my life.
When I was catholic I lived with a great deal of guilt about my short comings. orthodoxy as taught me that we all fall short of the mark and to not try again is a greater sin then failing repeatedly.
So at this period of fasting and lent let us remember if we do one kind act every day for 40 days we will have accomplished forty pieces of love in less then six weeks and one good act is always worth the multiple bad acts we thoughtlessly do through out the year.
One prayer I will share with you,that helps to keep me focused on the reason for lent goes like this:

Lord make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred,let me sow love.
Where there is injury,pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair,hope.
And where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console.
To be understood as to understand.
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Lent is to be taken one day at a time,one meal at a time and one act of kindness at a time and in hind sight we will see how much we have gained in our forty days and maybe be better people through our whole year.