Saturday, November 1, 2008

wrestling with faith

today i read something very interesting the author says "when God makes us uncomfortable. he's doing us a favor. he's allowing us the opportunity to wrestle with our conquer our inner demons and emerge victorious on the other side. the greater the struggle the greater the reward." "The struggle its self is a blessing, with out it you would continue to walk through religious life like a zombie."
funny i have struggled with religion for a very long time,has a matter of fact most of my life and until i read this i never understood it to be a blessing,i thought of it has being disrespectful and unbelieving.asking questions and demanding answers does not,in my mind, seem in any way how a believer acts. its strange to me how some people can hear the words of God and believe with everything they have that what is said is true while others,like my self, struggle on a daily basis with the words,the actions and the discipline.
this book went on to talk about how even monks who live very scheduled and secluded lives need to get away and be alone so they can wrestle with their own inner demons to make them better believers. even they, who are so close to God already, feel they are still not close enough.
one of my favorite verses in the bible is "Lord i believe,help me to believe" i spend a great deal of time with this fight myself first believing then questioning my beliefs.i remember some one once told me every day is new and like a marriage we have to reaffirm daily our love,some days its easy to love while other days its very difficult.
once during a bible study class it was brought up how many of us, would die for our faith, needless to say i was not one of those people who said "i would".i said nothing because i thought even St. Peter, who had spent several years with Jesus and watched him raise from the dead and preform miracles ,could not stand with Jesus when he was arrested let alone be ready to die for this son of God, he denied knowing him 3 times then took off.
maybe wrestling with our faith makes us stronger it allows us to understand were all human and we can only do the best we can. the body and mind many times are much confused more so then the spirit but i guess every day is a new day and we must try to reaffirm our beliefs and love and hopefuly it will all be made clear to us.

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