Ballet And Communism

I am not a very classical person.I find opera boring,except for exceptional male tenors,and ballet not much better.
Tonight my husband and I went to see the movie "Mao's Last Dancer".
This is the true story of a child living in China in 1972.One day he was taken out of his village school house and brought to Beijing to be molded into a ballet dancer.
Up until watching this movie,I did not realize exactly how much work and exercise goes into this beautiful dance and these peoples fantastic physiques.
It reminded me of all the pictures I had seen,has a teenager,of Baryshnikov and how absolutely beautiful and fluid he was in both his dance and movements.
This movie also deals with this Chinese dancer coming to the United States and having to defect to stay in this country,then having to face the fear of retribution to his parents and 6 other brothers.
Having lived through the 60,70 and 80's I can fully remember people living in Communist countries having to defect once in the United States.
Now day most people under the age of 45 probably have no idea of defections or how bad these countries were.When they praise such people has Mao they do not understand how horrible he was to his own country men and how controlled these peoples daily lives were.
Any thing you did could have you thrown in the gulag.There was no such thing as freedom of speech or individual ideas.You were one of the masses and to be educated or wealthy brought with it death,unless you were one of Mao's friends.
Thank God things like that are starting to change.
It really frightens me when people in this country bring forward ideas of how wonderful these dictators were and how they want to emulate their theories for the masses.How foolish
Can these,so called educated people,really be so crazy has to think that the government taking care of all your needs,including you thinking and speech,can be any thing but a bad idea? Especially when most of these people saying these ridiculous things are about my age and understand what these communist countries were really like.
I remember Tiena min square and the students who were arrest and sent to prison to be repatriated,it was not a good thing and China ended up not only looking like a civil rights violator,but being one.
Nothing good can come from to much government control and interference in our everyday lives.

Shared Burdens

Out of a seven day period this week,I have worked six of them.
Basically 3 days on,one day off and then three more days on.
Now for most people who work a Monday through Friday job it probably sounds rather childish of me to be complaining when most people work 5 days straight,then get their week end off.
The thing with my schedule is it is so filled with activity that it does not allow me to assess all the things that have taken place,both good and bad.
I have had multiple head spinning days,where I am over burden by situations of multiple kinds and the knowledge that I can not possibly act and react to things all at once but feel that I need to.
Some days I just want to change my name,can 5 people really be calling me all at the same time and how do I react by not sounding rude or frustrated.
Being a nurse requires me to not make mistakes but it also requires me to listen to everyone and react immediately.
Tonight was our community meal at our church.This meal always allows me to feel at peace,even when those around me are reacting to their assigned jobs,not always so harmoniously.
To say we always get along well would be unnatural at best, but Fr.Peter always says you should be able to disagree with each other but always come back in peace and work together for a positive outcome.
And we do.
When ever you try to do a job with a group of educated people everyone feels they have the best ideas and solutions,its a good way to learn humility because even if you do have the best idea,you have to be willing to allow others to preform the task has they feel is best.
You just can't be in control of every thing all the time.
When we do our community meal the burden of every thing does not sit on my shoulders,instead it is a shared weight for a good cause with loving and concerned people.
Tonight our frustrations seemed to be with the fact that we have a Turkey shoot tomorrow evening and the people interested in this event found it frustrating to be asked to wait until our meal was over,before rushing to set up their event.
See one of the biggest problems our Church has is friction between that which makes money and that which assist the community and makes spirituality.
Its good to have these two polar opposites to face each other because it causes us to try and keep a balance.
A church needs to raise money to keep it running but it also needs to help people in the community in order to be what a church is suppose to be,a glorification of God.
So with some abrasion we were able to work things out and go from a community meal to a Turkey Shoot set up in a matter of minutes.
Once again trying to balance the pendulum of peace.

Healings / Cures

Seems today is a bad day for my friend with M.S.
She is in great pain and unable to walk.
So what now? well we do for our friends what we can.We reach out,comfort and say prayers because God in his infinite wisdom knows the hows and whys not us.
We are not privy to the rest of the story only bits and pieces.
It makes me very sad when I see people in pain and although I can not feel what she feels physically,I can feel emotionally what she is going through.
We has Christians believe that prayer can heal but this is a two way street.The person asking for the healing and the person in need of the healing must both have great belief that what ever the out come is,it is in God hands not ours.
God will be done.
I once read somewhere that there is a difference between a healing and a cure.
You can be healed physically,mentally or emotionally but not be cured from your disease.
You may also be cured from a sickness but not healed from what you have and are going through in other areas of you being.
Either way it all sits in the hands of God.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fr. Peter says its because we are fallen by nature.
I guess like Adam and Eve we too are destined to end up deceased,at least physically not spiritually.
God does not make us sick to punish us or the ones around us.But he does allow those who are near by to be given the opportunity to be better persons through our illnesses.
We are our brothers keepers and that means through sickness and health.
We are allowed to be better people because we have extended the hand of God through us to the body of another,who is made in the image of Christ.
Never look bad things in the eye and think nothing good can come out of them,have faith enough to understand that we see bits and pieces of a puzzle but not the whole picture.
It is our job here on earth to be a blessing to someone every day of our lives and sometimes our blessing are small and sometimes they are great.

Secrets

I would say that just about everyone one of us lives with some sort of secret that we either choose to,or are unable to bring forward and tell anyone else about.
We have all done something or been hurt in some way that we feel we are to ashamed of or think is to embarrassing,to ever bring into the world for another persons ears to hear.
I have always belonged to churches that view confession has an outward expression of our faults and a way,by saying the words out loud,of healing our inner selves.
But even when we do go to confession most of us do not really bring forth things that we are truly upset about or embarrassed by.
And for years,maybe to our death bed,we do not disclose or even trust that God himself could really make us whole.
So our real selves,down to our soul,or pit of the stomach as some people call it, never get brought to the light of day.
We don't understand that saying something out loud can be not only freeing but also healing.
Two days after my 21st birthday,my older brother,who lived in Washington D.C.decided after breaking up with his girlfriend,drinking to much booze and smoking to much dope,to put on a record called "only the good die young",then placed a hand gun to his head and killed himself.
I was devastated because I loved him greatly and could not understand how someone has strong has he was could do this and someone has weak has I was could go on with my life.
To tell you that suicide did not also enter my mind would be lying to you and although one day I decided to drive into one of the great big trees that lined the cemetery route,I had second thoughts,called myself a coward and went on with my life.
6 months after his death I decided to get into a failed marriage,which I knew was doomed from the start,and spent two years being angry and disillusioned but now with a child.
It took me over 20 years to finally decide to myself I needed to forgive my brother for the pain he inflicted not only on himself,but me too.
One day I went to the cemetery and stood over his grave and said "Jerry I forgive you and I love you." I then laid down on the ground near the brass marker,with his name on it,and kissed it.At that point I acknowledged that I would not only still love him but pray for him,even though,knowing in his suicide letter he had denounced God.
When I stood up I felt peace and freedom like a very heavy burden was now lifted,the way I felt when I was 20,able to see a future in my life and move toward it.
We need to bring our issue to the light.
We need to say the words out loud even if only in God ear shot.
The devil wants all thing to stay inside us,eating away and rotting our very personality and being.
He wants us always angry with a chip on our shoulder,ever seeing darkness, but God does not.
God wants us to be a clean slate and understand that he already knows what is eating away at us but wants us to stop and tell him so he can help us heal.
In AA they have a 12 step program.I am told that one of those steps in to tell your story and admit who you are,opening the way for who you can become
I think God is the same way he will help us with our issues once we choose to tell,not just him but ourselves.
Once you unburden yourself you are now free to fill that dark void with light and this is what God wants,but Satan does not.
Come to me all you who are heavy laden,for my yoke is easy and my burdens are light.

One Piece At A Time

Yesterday after work,I decided to watch the Glenn Beck show,he talked with an audience of small business owners and how they had gotten where they where and how hard it is becoming to now start small businesses,what with all the red tape and rules.
Glenn said something very interesting,he said that when ever we start a new project we are first told it can not be done,then we are laughed at and lastly we are accepted by others once we accomplish our success.
I have to admit I have seen this several times in our own church.When we first decided to start our monthly community meal we were told it was not in the church budget and it would not be successful,but when we became successful,the number of people there to assist us grew from 4 serves to now 10 on a good night.
Glenn also talked about like mindedness coming together to help each other.
He said when God wants us to do things he gives us one thing to do then when we do what he tells us he then gives us another thing to do but now with the help of another like minded person.
God may say "here is a red box.Now pick up your box and go stand on the corner over there".We may not understand why we are to do this,but if we do what we are told, sure enough someone will come along and say "I have been looking all over for a red box,come with me and I will show you what we can do with your box".
I have found this to also be very true.
When my mother became sick with cancer my husband,who at the time was my boyfriend, and I decided it was time for us to get married.Since we did not want to be married by a Justice of the Peace,my brother in law told us about Fr. Peter being the new priest at his church.Before I knew it one thing led to another and now not only am I married but also converted to Orthodoxy and assist our church with multiple functions,when ever possible.
Who would have know one step would lead to another.
I guess God does not want to frighten or overwhelm us by giving us to much information at one time,so instead,he puts the pieces of the puzzle together so slowly that we do not even realize we are making progress.Then one day we look back and become breathless by all we have been allowed to achieve, not just by our selves but with the help of those around us,both friends and strangers alike.

Just The Facts

Today is October 22 and by all accounts I can see we still have way to many days and political adds until November 2nd,v-day or vote day.
The fact that the only political adds I have heard,up until now,have been negative,is leading me to believe that I now know more about these peoples teenage antics,unscrupulous lives and personal business dealings and less about their political positions.
This in turn is starting to say volumes to me about which direction this whole mess is heading and its not pretty.
Granted I'm no saint but could we please discuss the issues of government concerns not if this candidate encouraged her wrestlers to use steroids or that candidate bought a business in South Carolina only to run it into the ground and make millions.
Hard has it may be to believe that a wrestler from the WWF would use steroids.. I personally don't care.
True this would make a good soap opera,but it tells very little about the fact of why I should or should not vote for you to run not just my state, but my country.
The clock is ticking with only several weeks left to try and make an intelligent,if not somewhat informed,decision about who will be my next Governor and Senator.
Do me a favor folks could you just come out and lay your points of view on the line?
I'm not sure if these personal attacks are being done on purpose,just to keep me from knowing the truth or if its just laziness on the part of the candidates.It could also be they possibly fear that what they say they will do they may have to try and live up to,but lets forget all that and try to get a spine here people and stand up for your principals.
I know one thing,it certainly does not give me that warm fuzzy feeling of confidence in any of you.
Help me I'm confessed and may end up tossing a coin to narrow down my decision and aid me in my choice while standing in the ballot box..
Has our man Sargent Joe Friday said on that memorable show Dragnet "Just the facts Mame,just the facts."
OK folks,I'm a big girl,give it to me straight why exactly should I be voting for you?
Because if you don't know why your the best choice then I certainly don't know why either.

Hearing From God

The one thing I have learned about hearing from God is it never really happens when I expect it to.
Many is the time I have been in prayer,stopped to be still in contemplation,so has to hear God ever present voice,only to find he has nothing to say,so I assume.
I think this happens because I am in a state of not asking,or listening with a real need.
This morning while in my car driving to run an errand,I was mulling over in my mind why my husband and I were having a disagreement.
Now I felt in my heart of hearts that my opinion was correct and his was wrong.
That I could see the bigger more spiritual picture and he was focusing on the more earthly side of it.
In frustration I said "Lord why are you putting me in this situation when I know that I'm right and he is not seeing the big picture here?" To which I heard a voice say "because you need to be the example."
At that point I amusingly thought "sure make me be the example,its all about me doing all the work again."
These usually seem to be the times when I get answers because,I guess,these are the times when I'm just plain simple and honest with him.
Ask a simple question get a simple answer,that's what I've learned.
True proper prayer and meditation helps us to get to the point of cleansing our selves to focus better, but sometimes I think God just likes us to lay it on the table and honestly talk to him like any one else.
I am always very surprised at the answers he gives me because there never what I think it will be,its always something I never would have thought of and that's usually how I know the answers are from him.
I guess "keep it simple stupid" should be part of our prayer routine every now and then,at least for me anyways.

Worth And Value

We live in a very materialistic society.
Worth is valued at the number of dollars in an account,the designer clothes on ones back and in ones closets and the number of letters after ones name.
Are we really more valuable because we please societies ever present need to one up another person?
I work in the medical profession and let me tell you,you can never have to many titles or letters after your name.It makes you seem more knowledgeable and better able to take care of the needs of others.
Now don't get me wrong I'm not one of those people who feels that money and titles are a bad thing but I just feel if you use these things to give you worth then how truly sad are you in the end.
When you sponsor an event is the main reason you do it for the dollar signs?
Does the applause of what a great job you did mean more then the joy you may have brought?
We value things for all the wrong reasons and we expect good to come out of it for the same wrong reasons.
Why do we as Christians do things,then when done for worldly reasons not understand why the joy we are to feel does not last?
What good is money if you've missed the point of the mission?
Does a church or religious organization spend more time worrying about how to stay afloat then how to throw out a life line and save another human beings dignity.
There are several things we are told by Jesus himself and they are love one another,do not worry about tomorrow and have faith.
Things we all seem to forget when dollar signs do,or do not,roll in front of our eyes.
What is value and where is it? Are we suppose to live more in the worldly range or more in the spiritual range?
I tend to place great faith in the fact that God will lead and sometimes what we may see has failure may truly be success.
We are not here to sit in the boat or the church,when the storms start.
We need to have enough faith,like St.Peter,to step over the side and follow Jesus beckoning to us.
You will never know if you can walk on water if your sitting at the wheel holding on out of fear for dear life while the boat is flooding.
True a church can not survive with out money but it also can not survive with out members and if we lose sight of the opportunities given us to connect to the rest of the world then the point of having our doors open is all for not.

Drama

Saturday morning we left for Pennsylvania to attend a wedding of my husband,cousin,daughter.
When I awoke,at about 2 am,on Saturday morning,I could feel my ears filling up with fluid and a slight fever.
Now I'm no baby and besides the suitcases were packed,so we were going,end of story.
The night before I had decided to make beef stew to take with us.I put it in my crock pot at 8pm to be ready by morning,But alas I had set the pot on low instead of high,so the potatoes were not fully cooked.
O.K. I can adjust,I put what we were taking with us,into a pot and let it cook,on the stove, for an about an hour,then packed it for our up coming adventure.
Once in the car Vic set the GPS for the route he wanted to take.After riding down the road for 20 minutes it became apparent the GPS wanted to take its own route,with some reprogramming and not so nice words,on my husbands part,we were ready to resume our adventure.
Tings were working out,rather nicely until our friend, Tom Tom,messed up in the middle of Hartford,with more swearing and throwing of the GPS to the floor,I decided to pull out the atlas and become tom tom back up.Checking and rechecking correctness the old fashioned paper map way.
About 2 hours into the trip it became rather apparent that Vic's heart and patients were not into this whole wedding in Hershey Pennsylvania thing.
Finally I told him "Look I don't know why your so angry but if you really don't want to go lets turn around and go home,because 6 more hours of this and I'll be jumping out of the window and walking home."
To which he added "your right I'll calm down."
At noon we stopped at a rest area to heat up our stew on the propane stove,suddenly the wind began to gust and it became very cold.
Eating fast was now on the agenda and although I'd forgotten to add salt,it did turn out to be filling and healthy,though bland.
Four hours later we made it to our destination,the GPS told us to take a right turn, ending up on a dug up dirt road.We both agreed that this just didn't seem like the place you would stick a Hilton Hotel.Turning around we saw the hotel across the street,oh well not to far off I guess.
After checking in at the lobby we journeyed up to our room,then found our friends and family members.We cleaned up and were off to the brides rehearsal dinner.
Driving up to the house we found multiple cars in the driveway but no one home.Thinking we had missed them,it was decided to go to the Manson where the meal was being held,only to find out we were first at the wrong Manson and second the bridal party was still in the back yard going through their rehearsal.
With new directions in hand we came upon a very french,ornate Manson complete with velvet drapes and gold hand painted vases.
The food was wonderfully french with cream,butter and cheese on every thing.A killer meal laden with cholesterol.Viva La France...
We ended the meal with homemade dark cherry brandy,which the bride father had made from cherries grown in his back yard,one year before his passing.
It was the best brandy I have ever had and wished I'd had the recipe.
Has we were leaving I turned Vic attention to an urn with Napoleon painted,we then walk out the dining area only to find my rather small brother in law sitting in a very large high backed,red velvet chair,slouching and looking defeated.It reminded me of a painting I once saw of Napoleon,I remarked to Nick that he looked much like this painting to which he added "But I'm taller".
The next morning after a rather large breakfast,we decided to spend our three free hours at the Gettysburg Battle Field.
I do love Gettysburg and while roaming along the monuments we stumbled across a group of re-enactors from Ohio,who had set up a small encampment and a telegraph system,my husband,an engineer,found this to be very informative and decided when he got home to investigate the works of said machine more closely.
I on the other hand,learned that most telegraphs during the war were run by women,since the men where gone.They were so effective that when the telephone came into being women where chosen to be operators.
After several hours of quite strolling it was time to head bad for the big event.
The bride could not have chosen a more beautiful day for an out door service,with everything coming off very smoothly.
The reception was held in Hershey Penn.at the Hershey Hotel,with all having a great time,meeting old relatives and eating way to much rich food.It seemed to end to soon.
Since we had not brought our car,we were invited by the bride's mother to ride back in the limo with 12 other people.
Every thing was great,people laughing and talking,arrangements of flowers every where,but 15 minutes into the trip ,Maria,the bride mother,and a doctor,asked everyone to be quite,so she could talk on her cell phone.
It seems the groom had a migraine headache and took an ultram,but had forgotten he had been drinking,causing him to pass out.The bride,being scared was not sure what to do for her new husband.
Phone calls were made to 911 from the limo and,to the frustration of the brides brother,all sorts of ridicules questions were being asked,which had nothing to do with said patient.
The limo then was turned around and we all headed back to the hotel.
Upon arrival at the hotel,both doctors in our limo jumped out and ran up to the grooms room to find the EMT there and the groom,though embarrassed, feeling somewhat better.
We made it back to our hotel at about 2 am. I had a cup of chamomile tea,then fell asleep immediately.
Monday I awoke to a slight fever and cough and spent the whole trip home blowing my nose,drinking water and trying to stay awake.I don't like to sleep when I'm alone with someone on a trip,I'm afraid they also will fall asleep,from boredom.
The last 100 hundred miles seemed to drag,I could not believe how long it took 5 miles to go by,never mind one hundred.
All in all we had a wonderful,though drama filled,weekend and I'm glad to be home.
I now plan on gargling with warm salt water,taking some Tylenol and going to bed,because I feel my fever coming back.
I can tell you at this point,boredom,sometimes can be under rated.

Choose Peace

Do you know that you can choose to live in peace?
Peace is not something that just happens it's an active decision you make to not allow the issues around you to bring you into a state of disharmony.
I have decided that in order to feel true peace I must work at not allowing the other guy to fill my mind with negative emotions like fear,worry, anxiety or discontent.
Every day we must affirm that with the help of God we will not allow negative emotions to pull us in a down ward motion.
We can not be at peace if we do not think about and firmly resolve,everyday,that to be unhappy is to be Un-God like.
God tells us many times in the Bible to come to him with our worries and troubles and to be at peace.
Now I know that being positive is not something everyone can do,but type A personality or not,we can not handle all things alone and how much more freeing it is when we can cast our worry and anxiety to the wind and let the chips fall where they may.
To be to controlling about everything in life is to be prideful,feeling we know better then God and can work things out with out him.
When we resolve to stop this constant rattle in our brains of negativism we begin to understand what solitude and peace is about.
Unfortunately when we do have these break thoughts,the Devil will try and play harder with our minds and emotions,pushing us deeper into despair.
You know just because the evil one knows we are now with God by faith does not mean he will not try to make us miserable by confusion.
When we choose to be christian we also choose to be ambassadors.
If we are the poster children for Jesus then we must also understand that we must now change our attitudes to be more positive and at peace,more in line with Jesus teachings.
Choosing not to be at our best makes us bad promoters,lets face it who wants to hear from depressed,sad,angry,worried people who call them selves Christians.
It doesn't exactly promote the cause,if you know what I mean.

Holding On To Junk

Today I came across a TV program called hoarding.This is a great shows to watch if you need motivation to start cleaning your house,and trust me I do.
This program is about people who not only have messy houses they have unlivable,junk filled houses.
In this country we all have way to much stuff that we think is important,even if we cant find it,remember we have it or have any plans to ever use it in the future.Its all precious and important.We lose sight of the difference between a want and a need.
Last Saturday we had our October yard sale.It always strikes me how people can not let things go.Everyone ask me,multiple times,what I do with the things that we don't sell. They have a hard time understanding that I give most of it away to a charity.
To me if you have given me something that we are unable to sell why should you be upset about helping another charity make money? Why not give what you deem a cast off to someone who might truly enjoy and make use of it?
I even had one parishioner tell me not to get rid of her back massager to this charity but keep it for next year,because it is brand new and should not be just gotten rid of.
Maybe I'm wrong but if you are giving away something why do you still need to have control over who does and does not receive your item? Its a material possession not your kidney.
Many people are poor and in need,they are not fortunate enough to make allot of money and being able to buy something good from a second hand store,that you no longer want or need,should make you very happy.
One day a preacher was speaking,she told a story about how she and her husband were driving by a junk yard and he remarked "look at all that stuff,I'll bet at one time it was all very precious to the owner.They may have worked very hard,scrimping and saving and now look at it just a pile of rusted broken junk."
In the end that is what our material possessions become,a pile of junk.
Fr. Peter always tells us about a country song that states "I've never seen a hoarse with a luggage rack."
In the end its all material and to hold on,even when you've give something away,is just a sign of control.
When you are given things be willing,with open hands,to give to those who ask.
This is not only what Jesus says but its what God demands.
To loose your soul over an object that will end up in a junk yard not only says very little about who we are but is also truly sad.

Horses

Today while at work,my friend and fellow nurse,Debbie,told me this had been a difficult week for her because it was one year ago since she had to have her horse Sundance put to sleep.She had decided the time had come to take his picture off her computer screen saver and continue to bond with her other horse Buddy,who is now her companion.
I like to talk with Deb about horses,Since they are such a big expense to own and up keep,not many people I know have them.
Right after I graduated high school one of my friends' and I used to go riding at a near by stable rather often.
After picking the horses we were going to ride,we'd brush and comb them,clean their hoofs,wipe down the tack,ride them then turn them out into the Fields and watch them graze.
Someone asked me,the other day why girls like horses so much,I teased and said its all about being in the saddle,but really I think horses are to girls what sports cars are to guys.
Big powerful engines that are under your control.
There is nothing better then galloping through a field with the wind blowing through your hair and the sound of this great beast under your control with very little safety.
I guess girls like horses because they are soft breathing beings who can be very affectionate one minute and a powerful locomotion the next.
I can tell you,from my own perspective,that I love the smell of a horse and leather,nothing is more basic then these earthy odors.
This time of year always brings out the urge in me to trail ride through the woods and take in the cool crisp October air,while admiring nature from the vantage point of being perched atop a saddle.
To me a horse is one of Gods most beautiful and sleekest creatures.
They posses not only power but grace.
There is nothing quite so wonderful has watching several horses in a paddock running through the field with each other or seeing a young colt exploring life next to the watchful eye of its mother.
I guess horses,like sports cars,are an acquired taste but once their in your blood its hard to shake.

True Wealth

Today was our church yard sale and has par for the course we spend a great deal of time and energy to make very little money.
Now most people would consider such a project not worth the effort, but they would be missing the big picture,see we don't do this for the currency,we do it for the sense of satisfaction and pleasure each person receives at meeting,greeting and talking with those who enter our humble abode.
We are a small church but even sparse numbers can accomplish great things and besides you never know when God will be impressed enough with us to allow an emotional healing of those we come in contact with.
What did our day truly bring us?
First it started with morning prayer in the chapel,then Fr.Peter harvesting the rest of his vegetable crop,basket in hand,lunch for those who were hungry for both food and talk, with at one point all the tables filled with laughing,happy people.
Next a friend of mine stopped for a visit and I was able to introduce her to church members,then take her out to what was left of Fr. Peters garden,since she also is a new vegetable grower her self.
Has we walked around the church grounds,she asked me what sort of church and faith this was and I was able to talk to her about some basic principles of Orthodoxy.
Later,has the day dragged by and our sale was coming to a close,one of my fellow parishioners and I started putting things away and cleaning up,she and I talked about nursing school and how her daughter was doing,being a new student to the program.
When my husband entered the hall to take things away,he said "This is to much work and were not doing this again next year" I laughed and thought to myself those are usually my words but for some strange reason this year,they never even entered my mind.
And although some of the other participants felt it was necessary to tell me how bad they felt because it was not a financial success,I felt proud of the fact that we had accomplished the real goal,that of being a family and inviting people into our warm loving home.
Money isn't everything but we did accomplish what our real aim was,and few people understood,that of cementing our future,not with cash but with true christian love and how can that be considered not of great in wealth.

Following An Urge

Did you ever have a time when you weren't sure why but you had an urge to do something nice for a total stranger.
I remember once, many years ago,I had bought a small statue of St.Francis Of Assisi.With this statue came a free gift,it was a medal of him on a chain.
Not knowing what to do with this chain,I decided to just hang it off of my rear view mirror.
1 year later while in a christian gift shop looking for something for a friend,I went up to the counter to pay for my purchase and was about to walk out the door when I heard a lady ask the clerk if he had a St.Francis medal and chain.To which he answered he did not.
I walked out to my car looked at my chain,pulled it off the mirror and reluctantly walked back into the store hoping I could find the woman and give her the chain,which would be difficult since I had not seen her face but only heard her voice.
At the register stood a lady whom I walked up to and asked her if she was the one looking for the St.Francis medal? she replied yes,to which I handed her my medal on the chain.
The woman smiled so broadly you'd have thought I'd handed her the saint himself and she then thanked me.
I very quickly walked out the door and tried to regain my composure since I was rather embarrassed by the whole situation.
Has I drove home I began to feel very happy that for what ever reason this whole incident was meant to be.
Now that I understand that God works in strange ways,I try to always do what I feel the spirit is moving me to do,even when it seems odd or strange.
You never know what the whole story is about but God does and that explanation just has to be good enough for us to simply obey.

Leading

I am what is called a floor charge nurse.That means I am in charge of every thing that happens on my side of the floor,or wing.
There is usually not one morning that I don't get through report and narcotic count before someone calls me down the hall to handle a problem,issue or crisis.
Yesterday was no exception.
I started my morning with a patient,who had seen the podiatrist the day before,bleeding all over the place from areas he had worked on.After reassuring her it would be OK.we cleaned her foot and dressed the wound,then I updated the nurse practitioner.
Thinking it would now be clear sailing I walked over to my med cart and the head of the maintenance department came to tell me "I'm painting the dining room at 9 am and the patients need to be out of there no later then 9 am".
With the words "this is the deal" I explained to the staff what was about to happen,to which I got a resounding "It can't be done!" I then added "but it has to".
Part of being a leader is making the impossible seem possible.
I called and spoke with the kitchen who also deemed it impossible until the idea came to me that we switch the breakfast carts around,instead of feeding the people in the hall first we do the dining room first.
They liked it and fully agreed to try.
Next I explain the new system to the aides who had doubts but decided to give it a try and I started to move patients into the dining room.
We all worked together and in the end where done by 8:50 am making everyone so happy that they they suggested we do this every morning.
Guess I created a monster.
Form this experience I have learned that these are the steps that make a good leader:
First come up with a plan that is plausible but be flexible enough to change it as warranted,no plan is written in stone.
Second believe in the plan so much that you will not only order others to do it but will jump right in there and prove it can be done.
Third listen to the complains of those under you and try to understand where they are coming from then adjust to their needs,while still implementing said plan.
Fourth have faith and move forward.If its wrong you'll know right away,then admit it and take the heat for what you ordered to be done,we can't always be right.
A good leader is someone who leads,now that doesn't mean your not also going to have doubts but sometimes those doubts are just personal fears of failure or inability to understand the ending but if it all seems possible then why not try it.
Every morning while driving to work I have two thing I ask God for.One is that he make me be a blessing to someone that day and the second is that he make me be a good nurse.
I ask him to help me be able to handle what will be given to me that day,not hesitate with my reactions to issues,not be afraid to act when needed and remain kind and loving even in situations where I may feel angry or resentful.
So far this strategy has helped me through even my toughest times.
I am blessed with the help of good co-workers and although some may doubt and grumble, I know that in the end if I have faith in our abilities they will also see it and trust me to lead them,if but reluctantly at first.