Last night a friend and I went to see the movie Charlie St.Cloud.
Basically it was the story of 2 brothers,one a Senior in high school and one a 10 year old,who have a special close relationship to each other.
The mother,a nurse,has to work allot of hours to support the boys so the oldest,Charlie spends time taking care of the younger brother.
Charlie graduates fron High School and is getting ready to go off to college but promises his brother that before he goes he will meet him in the woods, and play ball with him every day for an hour, until school starts.
One night while both boys are in a car they are hit by a drunk driver,while in the ambulance charlie flat lines and is brought back but his brother does not make it.
At the grave site service, charlie sees his younger brother and follows him into the woods and for the next seven years charlie goes to the woods everyday to play catch with his brother.
Charlie works at the grave yard as a care taker and does not go to college.he surrounds him self with his deceased brothers boxes of things and can never let go of any of it.
Suddenly charlie meets a girl and is torn between being with his brother spirit or being a part of the world and going on with his life.
Of all the people I have lost in my life I think the hardest thing is to let go and move on.We always want these people near us and the grief of letting go can be more difficult then moving forward.
Sometimes we just don't feel we can move on especially if the person is a young child or suicide victum.
We carry the guilt of their loss like luggage thinking we are doing honor to their memory when all the time we are to afraid to move forward and live our lives.
How do you live on when things are not closed between you and that person.A wrong may not have been righted,a word or action done in anger and goodbyes left unsaid.
We are trying to live with the dead.We lose the fact that we are here for a reason and to go forward is a way of truly remembering that person.
When my mother died it was very devastating to me,she was my best friend and I did not know how I could possibly live with out her guidance.Who could I talk to about my issues,problems and joys?
One night when I was asleep I had a dream about her,I was very upset and kept telling her "how could you have a reception and not invite me?" She kept trying to tell me it was not my time but I continue to argue with her.My brother,who had passed away some 20years before was sitting next her and I said"Oh you invited Jerry but not me how could you do that?" she said "you were at work" to which I said "I would have left.All you had to do was tell me and I would have come to you." She then said "you don't understand you have work to do and its not your time."
Thats was when I realized it was time to move forward and live my life until it was my time. Hopefully I will do much and not allow the shadows of the past to drag me into their lives.Instead I hope to bring their light into my life and the world until it is my time.