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Friday, February 18, 2011

Power Struggles

My husband and I are usually mutual agreers,with each of us giving or taking,for the betterment of our relationship,but like most marriages or partnerships,for that matter,there comes a time when what seems like a wall of disagreement stands in front of us,at that point we must decide if it is worth pushing and if so how hard.
Most disputes have a great deal to do with power more then issue.We all want to be right and no one really wants to give in for the betterment of the real issue.
Compromise is what marriage is mostly about,but this is not always 50-50,most times its 80-20.
Who gets to win and who gets to lose.
Recently I was reading my friend Laura blog "kiss the boo-boo",about humbling ones self to husband.
In some ways I think this is a good idea,but not because he is the man and I a woman but because of mutual respect and love for someone whom I feel is the most important person in my world.
This does not mean I am to become his doormat,it just means,that in most cases, letting him feel important as the decision maker is what makes him happy and isn't this why we are with our spouses or companions,for not just our happiness but also theirs.
As a nurse I work at a job were what I say goes.I am used to giving orders and expecting them to be followed through.
I hold a great deal of responsibility in my hands and am called to task for any mistakes or decisions I have made which do not ring true in the end.
My job requires me to be every ones mother and as such I must be confident in all my decisions in order to have people follow my lead and treat me with respect.
When I'm home I am not used to having to give the reins of leadership over to another.
To allow my husband to make decisions I may not feel totally in compliance with is very difficult for me but what I have learned is like a good parent,sometimes,you have to allow you spouse to fail in order to understand better decision making.
So to humble your self in most areas to your spouse is not always a negative thing but can also be a learning experience on both of your parts.
Now I understand that some people are in relationships where they can not do such things,because not everyone is married to a good and loving person looking out for the best interest of the family.
Lets face it some husbands are only looking out for themselves,so fear and intimidation can become part of a woman's everyday life,when this happens the marriage is out of balance and the decisions being made are whopped and unreasonable.
But in a healthy marriage,such things are not in the equation and so a respect for your spouse translates to the children as the respect they also need to show to their father.
Respect and humility can go hand in hand and does not mean that,that person is your owner nor you their slave,it means mutual trust that this man is your protector and your family support system.
No one can become responsible if they are not allowed responsibility just as no one can be deemed trustworthy if they are not given the chance to show trust ability.
Besides it takes allot of weight off your shoulders when decisions can be handed off to someone else.
Wanting or needing to control everything is a sign of insecurity,thinking only you can handle every issue that arises takes away the need for having a spouse.
If everything is about you then why do you need another person in your life? Seems you've already proven to your self that you alone make your self complete.
True every thing is not always going to go along with your best laid plans,but then again maybe your plans are not all that great but you just don't know it because you keep taking the same road over and over again.
You know Moses and his people kept circling around the same mountain for forty years,not because they were lost but because they could not understand that it was not all about their plans it was all about God plan.
Until they decided to humbled themselves God was very happy to just let them keep going around in circles,seeing all the sides of this mighty mountain but never getting to view the top,the most breath taking part of the trip.

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