suicide in a church

today while i was at coffee hour one of the people sitting next to me said that someone had gone into the Catholic church she attends and shot him self in the head in the sanctuary.
how sad it must be to feel so helpless that all you have left to control in your life is your death.
many people can not understand how any one could do such a thing has take their own life.people who do these things are not in their right mind they are mentally ill and unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. most of these people feel even their family will not miss them,but how wrong they are.
i thought after my friend told me this story what if the priest or someone had walked in at the time before he shot him self maybe that one special word someone had said to him might have changed this whole situation.
we in life never know how helpful we can be by just saying hello how are you today, this may not have made a difference but may be it could have.
one of my favorite movies used to be "its a wonderful life". this movie showed the lead actor what would have happened to all the people in his life if he had not been born.strange how little we understand how important our words and actions are because we are not on the receiving end. a little sentence which we may not think much of could mean the difference of someone wanting to go on with their lives or not.

black friday

i have not been able to figure out why so many people insist that they need to be shopping the day after thanksgiving,black Friday. I'm glad i had to work Friday because i can not imagine what could be of such great importance that it would require me to get up at 3am and be in line in the cold in order to shop by 4am.no sale is worth my not being able to sleep in,especially after spending an entire week cleaning and cooking for the thanksgiving holiday the day before.
in my whole life time i think i have only gone to 2 black Fridays, back then the stores did not open until 8am.i decided not to do it again the aggravation of just trying to find a parking space made me realize no matter how much i saved it took the fun out of the holiday shopping experience.
Christmas has become way to commercialized its all about the money and the gifts its not about the fun things like decorating,cookie baking and just spending time with family and friends.
every year my holiday season becomes more and more crammed with parties and things to do after awhile i feel like I'm in a whirl wind and forget that this is Jesus special day.
when i was catholic i always enjoyed midnight mass.sitting in the dim light with a group of other parishioners listening to the choir sing "oh holy night" when they got to the part "rise fall on your knees oh hear the angles voices, oh night Divine,oh night when Christ was born" it would echo through this large church making you want to fall on your knees.that's what Christmas is all about thanking God for sending his only son into this unworthy world to die on a cross for our sins.
when ever i feel I'm starting to get over whelmed by the season i try to remember that song and the echo of it through St.Joseph church and it helps center me on why this season is upon us and why we are really celebrating it and you know what? its not about the great sales we got on black Friday the day after thanksgiving.

happy thanksgiving

well another thanksgiving down and i must admit it turned out rather nice.i was lucky this year i had most of this week off and do not return back to work until Friday. this gave me plenty of time to do some real cleaning in my house now when i get ready for Christmas,in a few weeks, my house is pretty clean and mostly organized,its never really all that organized here.what are you going to do my family truly likes to live in our home.my mother used to say "did people come to visit my house or the people living in it,if they've come to visit the house they will be sadly disappointed".
my sister,her husband and son came today we had plenty of food between what i made and what she brought we did alright.its good that we still get together when my parents were alive we had thanksgiving at my parents house,they had the bigger home after they passed away,9 months apart form each other my sister and i decided that it was important we remain together and try to celebrate the holidays even if we celebrate on a different day,she and i both work in health care and work every other holiday lucky for us we work the same holidays so Christmas will be celebrate on the Saturday after the holiday instead of Chistmas day.to me its not the holiday its the ablity to spend it with your family no matter what day you pick.

friends

do you ever wonder why you pick the friends you do? do we pick people like us or are different from us?
i have many friends,i tend to call most people i meet and get to know a friend but i have only a few very close friends.it seems the people i pick to be my close friends have similar beliefs and help fulfill the qualities i admire but do not have.
for me people who are movers who are not afraid to step forward to correct problems, make decisions and follow through on plans are some of my closest friends because stagnation is very difficult for me.
many times when i think of the apostles i think of how different their personalities were from each other.when Jesus sent them out into the world he sent them by pairs i think he did this to fill each of their voids what one did not have in personality or strenght they other did giving a united force.
i do not believe God made us to be solitary beings,no man is an island, he wants us to be co-depend on each other strenghten and care for each other.
mother Theresa said we are all interconnected like parts of a watch.if you open a awatch you will see wires and springs and expensive and cheap parts but they all work together to make the watch run.
we meet the people in this life that God feels will help fulfill not only our needs but also his plans.through this unity we are allowed a more complete self with a clearer vision and a united front with the added benifet of feeling the love and kindness of another person who shares our lives and truely cares about us.

prayer

today while reading fr. peters blog site and pod cast he mentions prayer and its importance in an orthodox persons life. we are to pray at the least two times a day and up to seven times a day.
for each person prayer is a private personal thing,for me i am in the habit of praying in the morning and evening but am not very good at other times in the day, though i must admit that when i wake up through the night i start to pray to help me relax.i feel i must be waking up because there is something on my mind that i have not dealt with and i need Gods intervention to help find an answer to my issue.
although it has not happened to me lately, during the spring and summer,while watching TV or reading i would get this over whelming need to pray for some one who needed help,i would have no idea who it was for but it would happen so often that i made up a prayer just for those moments,several days after my prayers i would find out someone i knew was dealing with a problem and thought well maybe this was why i needed to pray.
i have been reading a book on the life of mother angelica from ewtn.She belongs to cloistered community of the poor Claire's,which is a Franciscan community.they spend 4 hours a day in work related activities and most of the rest of their day is spent in prayer and contemplation.they offer up their prayers for those who are unable to
pray for themselves and are not allowed to read news papers or watch TV they get news of the outside world from the mother superior when she feels something is needed for the community to know.it seems like a very difficult life to me and all i can say is thank God i was never called to this sort of life,i'm sure i would not be very good at it i'm way to nosey and silence has never been my strong point plus the getting up at 4:30 am to pray would be another issue i would have trouble dealing with.
thank goodness for these sisters and i proudly must add my fathers' oldest sister belonged to one of these groups up in canada, what a very harsh life she must have lived and how little we appreciate these people who are willing to give their lives over for the good of the rest of the world.

acts of charity

what are acts of charity? many of us believe that large groups who raise money then help third world people are what charity is all about. but I'm willing to bet every day we all see at least one act of charity and do not even realize it.
charity doesn't just run on a grand scale it runs on the every day, the collection of used coats and the secret Santa we do were i work, the person ringing the bell by the kettle for the salvation army in the cold December air,toys for tots done by the marines, the giving up of what we have to another person with no thought at all that we are doing it. I've seen my aides share their lunches with patients when they have something a patient may be asking for in their lunch bags or go out at break time and buy the patients things they may want like a donut, coffee, hamburger,lottery tickets, chocolate, nice smelling shampoo, soaps and make up then not asking for money for these purchases.
people think these are little acts and maybe they are but how large they truly are to the receiver.
when it comes down to it these acts are probably more meaningful then all the money we could throw at charities. these actions are done with nothing more in mind then kindness. its whats written in the bible when it says "you should give so one hand does not know what the other hand is doing".this is a special gift an act so greatly regarded by Jesus that he speaks about them in the beatitudes.what so ever you do to the least of my brothers you do it for me.
i always say their are two kinds of people in the medical profession those who are there to collect a pay check and those who are there because they care about other people and the dignity they can pass on to those around them. God bless the second group because they are what charity is all about.

Christmas Music

Do you hear what i hear? Do you hear what i hear? this morning at 6am when my clock radio went off i got serenaded by Christmas music,give me a brake I'm still trying to figure out if my sister and her family are coming here for Thanksgiving or if were going to her house.
the stores have had Christmas things out since before Halloween and the day after started to sneak every thing to the front of the store in the hopes that we will start to buy Christmas gifts.
i must admit although i do stop and look at what they have out i am still not ready to buy anything that has to do with Christmas quite yet,all this pushing makes me dislike how commercialized the holiday has become and how the fun is just gone out of the season.even the TV. stations are starting to air Christmas commercials.
Once again let me just say can we please get through Thanksgiving. i happen to like this holiday, not just because i was born on it but because we take an entire day to be thankful and enjoy our family it is what a holiday is suppose to be about.we eat together and expect nothing from each other but the enjoyment of conversation and maybe some football which we all gather and watch together.its hard to be angry when your full of turkey, pie,Macy's parade and football.
We are very fortunate in my house we have a great deal to be truly thankful for.We have a house,job,heat,food, family and friends and they are all there for us when we are in need. we don't live in our car,are not digging out of a dumpster for food and do not have to beg for money or change. we are not addicted to drugs,alcohol or gambling,are not in prison or have untreated mental illness.
most of all we have our health,our church family and a belief in God that when things do happen to us we always have a helping hand. so lets take the time to be thankful and celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas will be here soon enough so why rush the
seasons lets take them one at a time and really live them because with Gods blessing mabe we'll be here to celebrate next year.

shooting at school/who has rights

i got to spend most of my morning at the car dealership having some belts replaced on my car,they were getting a little worn.while waiting i read an article about this 14 year old boy in California who was shot in class for being gay. now i know this is an on going issue but there is more to this story.this child named Larry attended a California middle school where he told every one he was openly gay.he dressed like a girl and even started to wear high heels and make up. when some of the teachers complained the vice principal,who is also gay, sent a memo around to tell the teachers this was a hands off situation and he was allowed to act on these impulses since it would be considered against his rights to be restricted according to California laws.
this child was blatantly outlandish going over to the jocks from the sports team and asking them if they "would like some of him" the vice principle was not only counseling him but may have been encouraging his extreme openness.
one day Larry showed up at school dressed like every other boy and seemed very nerveous,the class was held in the computer room that day so they could finish working on their reports about world war 2. the child who shot him was sitting around his area and was allowed to read a book saying that he already finished his report at home. at some point this child got up put a gun to Larry's head and shot him, the teacher said "what the hell are you doing?" and the kid shot Larry again. the trial has not come to court yet.
all i have to say is "what is going on in these schools?" how can you see such confusion in a child and go along with it and possibly encourage it.
the administration at this school should all be fired and the vice principal should be stripped and bared from ever teaching again.i have no problem with people being gay but i do have a problem when schools see an out right problem and turn their backs on it.freedom is fine when your an adult but when your 14 or 15 years old you need to be taught about what is appropriate behavior. if you don't learn has a child about boundaries you will never know them has an adult.
both of these boys came from troubled homes and were failing terribly in school why do we pay taxes for counselors and teachers if every one sees multiple problems and feels they have no control.if you has the adult have no control then who does? these kids were crying out for help instead of getting what they needed they got a school who was more concerned with gay rights and personal agendas then with helping them. this school system failed and every one should be held accountable the parents,the teachers and the admimistration not just the kid sitting in jail waiting to be tried for murder.
once again i say were have all our morals gone?

Touching People

this morning i got to listen to Fr. Peter's "Shepard of Souls" pod cast. he did a second interview with Kim Ladue, who is a holistic nurse. she spoke about how our illnesses are not just physical but can have an emotional and dietary relationship with each other.
she talked about how when a normal baby is born they first cry then are held by their mothers and fed. there is a very strong nurturing feeling that goes along with food and sometimes the things we eat have to do more with our need for comfort then just our need for nourishment.
we live in a world that does not allow us to really express our selves in nurturing ways.lack of feeling has become an epidemic in this country.As we age we lose more and more friends and relatives and have no one to replace them with.many elderly people who attend Sunday service may only feel the touch of another human being on Sundays before, during or after service and not again until the next Sunday. imagine how important your simple touch is that pat on the shoulder,hug around the neck or kiss on the check can be to some one who is starving for love.
the other day one of our terminally ill patients asked that we sit her up in her chair. before i left she told me she was frightened .when i finished my med pass i went and sat with her for about ten minutes. i held her hand and knowing she was an animal lover, read her an article in the news paper about how many priest are
now getting animals in their rectorys and its positive influence on not only the priest but the people who come to see them. when her son stopped by at lunch time she seemed less frightened and i left them to visit with each other.
our touch is so important that even when Jesus healed he did it with his hands.he didn't have to do this he could simple have said "you are cured go on your way" but he understood the human person in order to be fully healed needed the sense of another persons touch,many times after he healed someone he also encouraged them to eat and drink not just to cure the illness but to make them whole. never underestimate the power you hold in your hands a simple touch can mean more then you know in the eyes of another.

new dating service

What are we coming to?
this morning while at the hairdressers i had some time to kill so i decided to read an article in a Boston paper.It said that a new dating service will be doing commercials on 2 Boston sports stations.what you say is wrong with this? aren't there many stations that allow such advertisement on their stations? well yes but this company is not catering to the singles of the world this service is for people who are married and want to cheat on their spouses, nice huh!
i am not stupid i know that these services are out there on the Internet and i also know that any one who wants to cheat can find these web sites.what bothers me is the fact that any radio station would be so hard up for advertising dollars that they need to air this kind of garbage.
first these stations are sports which many people listen to on their car radio and may have children present at the time, next why is a radio station promoting such things has cheating on your spouse.
in this world were its very hard to keep marriages together why are we promoting cheating instead of family unity and values. have we lost our moral sense of direction?
i don't believe that any one should be pushed into marriage, you should be mature enough to work on your commitment.if you are unhappy cheating is not going to help you. you need to find out why your unhappy talk to each other, get counseling or maybe you need to call it quits. but no matter how you look at it you don't need to be sleeping with strange people who may bring the potential of emotional and physical disease into your already fragile relationship.
people who cheat do not see far enough ahead to understand the devastation they bring to their relationship when their spouse finds out. children are affected and so are out side family and friends. cheating is not just a fling,it does not add excitement to the mix and it certainly does not fulfill your needs in the real world.
this article went on to say that of the people who subscribe to this company 70% are men and 30% are women. they are between the ages of 28 to 40 and have been in their
married relationships for 5 or more years.
we have a problem in this country we no longer feel marriage is a commitment for the long haul if we tire we divorce or worse yet cheat.we need to start reinforcing the importance of long term commitment in our churches and let people know that what they have at home most of the time,is more important then the excitement of a fling that may ruin not only their lives but their children's lives for many years to come.

St..Michaels' name day

This weekend has been the name day for our church St. Michael.Saturday evening we had vespers followed by a nice gathering in our museum, which our Fr. Peter had been busy hanging pictures and getting organized for almost a week, then Sunday we had liturgy and our banquet. it turned out to be a very nice day and a good and loving get together for not only our church but also those who joined us from St. Nicholas,the albanian church several streets over from us, whose feast day will be coming up soon.
its always nice to be able to get together with our neighbor churches it makes us understand that orthodoxy is about the things we have in common not our differences. In the end we are one big family and all God's children.
Tradition says that St. Michael,the arcangel, was the leader who remained faithful to God and cast out Lucifer at God's comand. he is invoked by the church in times of emergency and unusual danger, when the malice of the devil seems truimphant St. Michael will come to our aid.
One day at work i had a patient who was dying, his son, a police officer, took his St.Michael's medal off from around his neck and lovingly placed it on his father neck. He explained to his father that he had gotten this medal on the day he graduated from the police academy and had not taken it off since that day. he told his father that St. Michael would protect him and help lead him to the other side when the time came.several weeks later, after his father pasted away, i removed the medal from his father and handed it back to his son, i told him what a wonderful and loving thing he had done and was sure it helped his father to feel at rest. the son thanked me and left.
in this day and age when it feels like evil is everywhere tempting us, its comforting to know that all we have to do is ask St. Michael for help and he will lovingly be with us and help us face our demons. We can stand strong because St. Michael stands near by helping to defend us.

the next day

Well here we are with our new president for better or worse were all in this together.Hopefully we voted this person in because we think he will be a good president and not because we want to make history with his being black.
While at work today i have heard many people say they are glad Obama got in because it's history making.no one said anything about the economy,the division of parties or the war, just because it has made them a part of history.
Last night i did not watch the election coverage knowing my candidate would not win there seemed no real reason to watch it. i prayed that we had all made the correct decision and that no matter how this effects my life in the end i made the choice i thought was right. Now we can all move on with our every day lives.
there are just certain things in life you have no control over you do what you think is the right thing then hope for the best.not wanting to be sore looser let me just say good luck to the new president and all the new representatives both house and senate. But just remember if in 4 years things are still a mess it may be our turn back up at bat again.

to the right

after getting up this morning, having breakfast then getting dressed i decided it was time to go vote.entering the parking lot on the "right" side i decided it was time to go into the polling place and do the "right" thing and vote.at this point i took my ballot paper and went to the booth on the "right" picked who i thought to be the "right" candidates then brought my ballot and put it in the machine with my "right" hand. i went out the door to the "right" entered my car and decided it was a good time to go shopping and wait for the polls to tell me tonight if i had voted for the "right" man to take on this great job. well even if my candidate does not win i know in the end i have done the "right" thing.
from a conservative republican living in a democratic state i have the need to go to the "right" when ever i can.

election day is looming

i for one can honestly say tomorrow will not come and go fast enough, i know i can hear my mother saying "stop wishing your life away", we'll I'm not i am just sick of listening to debates, commercials and the media and their inevitable telling me how wonderful Obama is. enough already lets just get out there and vote who ever wins wins
and who ever loses loses and then we can get on with our lives.
we has a country have always pulled through regardless of or in spite of who ever was in office. every politician when their running talks about how they will set the world on fire but once in office not much changes,i don't care how much the democratic candidate keeps saying he will change things.either way this is going to be an expensive proposition.
i have only one thing to say then we can all move on with our lives "vote"....
if you don't vote then don't complain because you forfeited your right.

wrestling with faith

today i read something very interesting the author says "when God makes us uncomfortable. he's doing us a favor. he's allowing us the opportunity to wrestle with our faith.to conquer our inner demons and emerge victorious on the other side. the greater the struggle the greater the reward." "The struggle its self is a blessing, with out it you would continue to walk through religious life like a zombie."
funny i have struggled with religion for a very long time,has a matter of fact most of my life and until i read this i never understood it to be a blessing,i thought of it has being disrespectful and unbelieving.asking questions and demanding answers does not,in my mind, seem in any way how a believer acts. its strange to me how some people can hear the words of God and believe with everything they have that what is said is true while others,like my self, struggle on a daily basis with the words,the actions and the discipline.
this book went on to talk about how even monks who live very scheduled and secluded lives need to get away and be alone so they can wrestle with their own inner demons to make them better believers. even they, who are so close to God already, feel they are still not close enough.
one of my favorite verses in the bible is "Lord i believe,help me to believe" i spend a great deal of time with this fight myself first believing then questioning my beliefs.i remember some one once told me every day is new and like a marriage we have to reaffirm daily our love,some days its easy to love while other days its very difficult.
once during a bible study class it was brought up how many of us, would die for our faith, needless to say i was not one of those people who said "i would".i said nothing because i thought even St. Peter, who had spent several years with Jesus and watched him raise from the dead and preform miracles ,could not stand with Jesus when he was arrested let alone be ready to die for this son of God, he denied knowing him 3 times then took off.
maybe wrestling with our faith makes us stronger it allows us to understand were all human and we can only do the best we can. the body and mind many times are much confused more so then the spirit but i guess every day is a new day and we must try to reaffirm our beliefs and love and hopefuly it will all be made clear to us.