Envy

Growing up I was the second of three children and as such have true middle child behaviors.
All the insecurities of trying to be noticed and praised through out my younger years have stayed with me.
Easily hurt when not recognized,passed over when others get to do things,needing to be closer to my friends then my family always needing to be the peace maker,feeling obscure and marginalized.
But of all my center child issues,envy has to be my worst enemy.
Its a struggle I fight with just about every day of my life and though I make steps of progress here and there I still battle with it on an on going basis.
Now being a child of,and created by God,this is not a good thing.
We are made in his image and likeness and he doesn't make junk.
I am exactly who he wants me to be and my success and failures are not mistakes.
God doesn't see me every day and say "are you still dealing with this or doing that?"
The problem with envy is its like a chain tying you to the ground,never allowing you to hold your head high and feel good enough.Never paying attention to the fact that what you want may not be suitable for you.
Just because you or the world deems something worthy does not mean your talents and abilities are any less important then others,its just yours are hidden from you because you have not chosen to meditate and pursue your own callings.
From what I have come to understand when we envy others we are not only one step away from jealousy but we insult God.
We basically are telling him we don't think he knew what he was doing when he made us.
But you know what we are not a surprise to him.
He understands our very being,good and bad and designed us to be exactly the way he wanted us to be.
So as I continue to struggle daily with my envy issues I will try to reaffirm to myself that God loves me for who I am and he is perfectly happy with the talents he has given me to develop.
Now my challenge is to work on finding,expressing and expanding on them.
Envy is a petty thing.It does not build us up but tears us down.
Feeling bad about our selves is not a gift from God but a weight around our neck from the other guy.