Patty

Last week my husband and I went to Florida for his nephew wedding.While there we decided to go visit my niece and her mother,my ex-sister in law from my former marriage,whom I call friend.
Patty and I have known each other since before my niece and son were born,over 31 years ago.
She is the strongest most christian living person I have ever had the pleasure to know and is an inspiration for me in times of trials.
She was born one of 5 children who came from an abusive family,her father was a cheating alcoholic who had a temper and and showed no restraint in using it against his children.
Her mother was an nurse who worked the night shift.
My friend turned her back on traditional religion,when while growing up her cheating father would force the children to attend Sunday service while he carried on affairs,very openly in front of his wife and children.
Now the thing with Patty is she is the most giving,loving person you will ever meet and although for the past 34 years she has been battling ms,she is never one to complain to much or not see the bright side of life,even when her husband left her and her daughter for another woman,one of her best friends.
When her daughter decided to go to school in Tampa,my friend moved out there to be with her,giving all the financial and physical support she could muster,though the money was tight the love never was.
With our nephew wedding came the opportunity to visit my good friend.
Vic and I spent the day in Clear water at her nursing home,see Patty is now in a Geri chair,with breathing issues and paralysis on the right side of her body.
Though limited in movement,this 56 year old is still the dearest most Jesus like person I have ever met.
We spent most of our three hour visit reminiscing about our times together and her daughters future as a tax consultant at Price Water Company.
Although her voice was not strong and her ability to speak difficult,I would consider this the best part of my Florida trip.
This is a person whom against all her adversities kept repeating how good God had been to her and how lucky she was to have the love and devotion of her beautiful daughter.
There is little to say about my own life that can compare with Patty love or how fortunate and blessed I am to have her in not only my life but my memories.
How can one person be so good and kind and yet sit in a Geri chair unable to move most of her physical body.
But this is a person whom God has given the ability for flight in the spiritual world,touching not only my life,my heart and my soul but also all those around her in her day to day life.
Although I have heard about saintly people,this in my mind,is what a real saint is like.Having the ability to not only take on the terribleness of life burdens but to decide that being happy is more important then any material thing,including ones limiting body.
Her soul is like that of a great eagle and some day when it is freed from her cumbersome body she will fly across the skies,over the mountains and into the loving arms of God her Father.
And I can in gratitude,know that I have met a gift from God in my every day life and hopefully have appreciated her wit and wisdom enough to carry it through to all those around me in my own ever day life.

The Church And Truth

While attending Catholic School I was told that we should be truthful no matter what,it was better to face your wrong doings honestly then to try and lie your way out of it,trusted adult leaders would say "don't dig your own grave,confess and become clean."
Honesty is always the best policy,you'll never have to worry about what your story is nor get caught up in a tangled web of deceit,if what you say is the truth.
Being in the Catholic Church,back in the 1980's,taught many what happens when a church tries to cover things up for the wrong doings of its clergy.
Lying and secrecy is never right,just as making parish members feel like they have to protect these indiscretions can ever be proper.
People back in the 1950's and 60's,refused to face the fact that their clergy could ever do anything wrong or illegal,forcing adult parishioners to remain silent and placing young innocent people in positions of spiritual,physical and mental harm.
Now don't get me wrong,the reason I'm picking on the Catholic Church is because at that time I was a member of that faith.
With age comes wisdom and in time it has been made clear to me that no religion is pure,especially when you consider they are run by people trying to save face.
But is saving image what a church or religion is called to do? Or are we,the Church, to rise above the cover ups and threats of personal "sin",by hierarchy trying to keep the multitudes in the pews silent and stupid through use of fear of damnation.
Jesus talks about the light and how even one small candle can illuminate a room from corner to corner.
Light brings not only brightness but warmth to the cold world around us,but how much glow can we emit if our wick is in some way defective.
Church leaders,like parish members,need to face and profess their sins,asking in turn for forgiveness.
Confession is one of the hinge points of our belief system.
We are no better then the rest of the world when we are told to be still and not say anything because it will be considered a "sin" in the eyes of our leaders.
My brother in law,father had a saying "the fish stinks from the head down."
Maybe he was onto something because I know that the Almighty is never about secrecy and hiding,we as church should be strong,showing the world how to stand up to wrong doings and repent openly and honestly.
The Catholic Church learned the hard way about facing clergies sinful obstacles,now what about the rest of the religions,have they learned anything? To be any less then honest is to be less then Christian.
I don't remember anywhere in the New Testament Jesus talking about avoiding and hiding wrongful behavior and then making followers feel like sinners for talking about the truth,because the church feels a sense of embarrassment.
What is brought to the light becomes pure what sits in the darkness becomes fodder for the evil one to use in an attempt at erosion.

Feeding Those In Need

I have recently been thinking a great deal about how bad the economy is and how many people are going with out the basics,such as food.
Seems when the weather changes and the cold nights of fall are upon us,my thoughts turn to those in need,with no food and no shelter.
My life has been greatly blessed in that when ever times of need have cropped up,I always had friends and family to help keep me afloat.
Now I know that a minority of people take advantage of the system and jump right in and grab all they can,with no regard for those even less fortunate then themselves,because lets face it no matter how bad you are there is always someone more in need then your self.
Since January I have made it my mission,when grocery shopping,to always buy extra and put it in the local food pantries basket,by the exit.
I try to attend and assist at our Church's free community meals held every other Thursday at St. Michael Orthodox Church in Southbridge,Mass.
But it seems the more I do and give the more needs I am made aware of,that are not met.
The daily news is a constant reminder of how truly bad things in this country are turning and how the new poverty rate is escalating.
What I do seems so small in the large scheme of things.
I remember in the movie "Jesus Christ Superstar" there was one part where all the sick and poor were asking Jesus to help them,there where so many that covered him until he yelled "heal your selves",many times I feel this same way when I try to help others but feel like I'm only one person and there are so many in need.
Maybe this is part of the awaking of my soul,being touched so greatly I can now feel what those around me feel,or maybe its the other guy trying to discourage me into thinking its to great so why bother,its their own tough luck.
Until an answer comes to me I will continue to do what little I can and remembering the story of the fish and loaves,realizing with God help my simple small amounts can grow to feed people in more ways the I understand.

Are We Ever Fulfilled?

We are,in the end,never completely fulfilled especially if we are trying to be filled with worldly things.
No matter how much you get in this life it is never complete or totally satisfying to our needs.
Sunday morning Fr.Ephraim spoke about an old television show called "The Twilight Zone",the story goes there was a man who loved to read more then anything else in his life,his wife,who was a constant nag and his boss who made fun of him for reading so much,never gave him the peace he desired to be able to read his many books.
Since this man worked at a bank,he found,what he thought was bliss at lunch time by sitting in a vault quietly reading,nothing around him but his beloved books.
One day,while in the vault, an atomic bomb fell when he walked out he was to find he was the only human being left on earth,with piles of books at his side,but with great elation came great sadness because he broke his glasses,so now he was unable to enjoy his surrounding fortune.
Our best laid plans and fulfilled dreams are never full and complete in our true desires.
Did you ever dream of a special trip or job and just knew this would make your life full,but in the end when it became yours,something felt just not right,you were almost let down and you could not understand why you wanted this so much.
Jesus says we are in this world not of this world,so we can never be happy with our surroundings or desires.
Only our soul joined with God can ever feel completeness and true joy.
When we lower our worldly expectations we can increase our spiritual expectations and true completeness then comes our way.

Evil And 9/11

Thou shall not murder.
This is the commandment most people quote incorrectly,it is not thou shall not kill it is thou shall not murder.
Yesterday was the 10Th anniversary of the murder of thousands of innocent people who got up and went to work,took a plane,thought they were putting out a fire or explosion,but ended up being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Murder of the innocent at the hands of a few misguided,deluded men who felt God had spoken to them on a personal level.
Those thousands of citizens who loved family members,had dreams and desires where cut short of their lives because a small number of men decided to play God and destroy what they could not understand,thus missing the most important rule of all faiths that is.. all men and women are our brothers and sisters,made in the image and likeness of the Almighty,himself.
God does not like it when we take bad and try to make it fit as good by using his name to justify the evil actions of sick minds.
I did not choose to watch anything on T.V. yesterday,it all comes back to clearly to me that this is nothing to celebrate it is a tragedy,and though it should not be forgotten it should also not be celebrated.
Mayor Bloomburg decided that no clergy or first responders should be invited to this memorial in New York at ground zero,political correctness you know,which in his mind, was more important then a true memorial of unity of diverse clergy standing side by side,we forget a priest that day,a Franciscan ,giving prayer to the sick,dying and dead,trying to save the souls of God's children at their hour of need also met his end.
Whose to say how many Rabi's,ministers or priest where sitting in those towers,planes or at the Pentagon,we have no count of how many lost their lives too.
What about all the first responders running into the buildings while people were running out? Thinking nothing about themselves and never coming home again.
I heard an atheist on a television program say "where was this God of yours while all this evil was going on,? Why did he just stand by and allow all this killing to take place and not stop it?"
Thou shall not murder,but on that September 11,2001 they did and God was not involved with the horror or the evil that took place,he was however,involved with the goodness of of all those who helped in any way they could even to the point of losing their own lives in the process.
We live in a fallen world where evil abounds just the same as free will.
You make a choice to do good or to do evil and you can be a part of it either way.
I like to think of what Gandhi said "Evil never last but good always triumps in the end,always.....

Leave Your Offering And Forgive Your Brother

In the Bible Jesus says if you have any sort of disagreement between you and your brother,you should leave your offerings at the alter and go make things right with him,then return and offer your gifts to God.
Wednesday evening,while at Vespers,I began to think about this verse,seems I had someone on my mind for most of the week and at service that night,my brain kept going back to this person,who had upset me.
It became clear to me that the verse is not just about cleaning the slate to make God happy with us but also cleaning our hearts and minds so we are not continually flooded with these negative thoughts .
When we are upset the devil enjoys the fact that he can reek havoc on us,not allowing us to fully focus on what we should be doing at that moment and that is praising God..
It's hard to pay attention to the words being said when these negative,repetitive feelings keep cropping up.
What to do?
Make peace not only with the other person but with yourself.
Understand that its alright to be wrong,feel wounded,or unjustified but its not o.k.to let these feelings fester and cloud our minds.
God understands we are not perfect and he understands that we can only fully concentrate on one thing at a time.
We can not serve two masters and as St.James says a person with two minds is an unstable person.
So to forgive is not just pleasing to God but healing to both our mind and spirit.

No Electricity but Lessons Learned

Today I spend part of the day trying to get my house back in order,after our week of no electricity.
The camp stoves and lanterns needed to be washed and stored away and all the propane tanks had to be put in the corner of the spare room,so they can be brought to the cellar in the up coming days.
Funny this morning I started up the washing machine and admired the fact that I could actually do my clothes right here at home,rather then in Dudley at the Laundromat.
No electricity for one week makes you take stock of how much time we waste with our electronic gadgets.
You begin to understand just how much we rely on entertainment on an hourly basis.
When I was a child we would go to my grandparents house and everyone would put the kitchen chars in a circle and just sit and talk to each other until supper time.
I live in a house with two other adults and must admit we have never spent our entire afternoon not only talking to each other,but actually making eye contact while doing so.
With no electricity reading became an important past time,not only did I start and finish a book in a week period but also read the daily newspaper and piled up weekly magazines.
Sometimes getting away from our rut can remind us just how much we have lost in our modern day to day experience,with our electronic devices.
I have decided that from now on one day a week I will no longer us my computer and will greatly reduce my t.v. watching.
Just a way to re awaken my mind to the important things in the world around me.