Four years ago my father passed away on Valentines morning and even still I have mixed feeling about this day,I have happiness for it yet also feel very sad at the same time.
From the time I can remember I was my fathers tag along.For the first nine years of my life everywhere he went I was with him.From the connivance store,to the barber shop and even the town dump.
My father loved the outdoors he could sit in the yard drinking his coffee and smoking his cigarettes for hours.He was a hands on kind of guy and could work on anything,figure it out then fix it.Even if it meant Jimmy Rigging it.In the end it always seemed to work like new.
When I was young going places with my father was like an adventure and sometimes on our Sunday rides,after church and lunch,it was.See neither of my parents had a very good sense of direction and getting lost was a great possibility,you never knew where you would end up or what time you would get home.My father would pull out of the driveway and my little sister would say "daddy are we lost yet?" Out of the mouths of babes
My father would take me fishing,boating,ice skating and sledding.
Together we cut down cut down small trees,mowed grass,raked and jumped in leaf piles(he did most of the raking and I must of the jumping.)
I watched him donate his time to friends and work on things in their homes then turn around and say "you don't own me anything" or "pay me when you can".
I learned from my father that men are important people and I could be friends with them and love them in different ways.Giving me another view of the world.
When I was in High School I had many male friends and now in my life as a nurse I am able to lead and direct men in the correct ways to do things and not feel intimidated by them.I can honestly say I understand where they are coming from and even when I have to disagree with them on issues,I always try to respect their positions.
Because of my fathers' love and friendship I can say my husband is my best friend and together we are good co workers on most projects and issues.
My father taught me what a husband should be to a wife and that we all need to give and take.Its not always going to be your way but if you love someone you can work it out to a compromise for both sides.
My father taught me to respect and love others and that nothing is more important then family. thanks dad for what you gave in character and love that has helped me to be who I am today.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Fasting
Well believe it or not we are moving into the fasting period again,my how time flies by.
First I want to start by saying fasting,although encouraged by the Orthodox Church is really a discipline not an order.
The church encourages its members to try and follow the fast to the best of their ability.Not everyone is able to follow strictly to the rules but that is why we have Spiritual Fathers to help us along our path to do the best we can.
During Lent we are called to change our selves and hopefully try to be better more Christian people.Fr.Peter says "if your going to fast and be cruel to others then you may as well eat the hamburger cause you haven't achieved anything." Words to live by.
So just changing our dietary consumption is not all there is to Lent we must also consider what we can do to help others even if its nothing more then smiling and listening to another persons whoas.You know its not all about us and our pain.It's so much more.
With that said it is also about our own spiritual growth.Every year I have several books I read nightly and try to follow up with meditation and prayer but I must tell you this year I feel very overwhelmed with all the things I want to do spiritually. It seems impossible for me to figure out where to place each thing through out my day.
This probably is not a bad thing because I also feel excited and can't wait to start each and every one of them and hopefully make them a habit...We'll see..
Food is a small thing in my spiritual life.I look at fasting like I look at a diet each day I try to follow the rules but in times of true weakness I will give in,I always do.Then the next day I will start over and give it another try.
Last year I tried to make myself eat better and if I was going to eat carbohydrates I tried for whole wheat and whole grain and added soy to my diet for replacement of milk products,its no milk but then its not suppose to be.
This year I will also try for more fruit and vegetables and if all works out well maybe I may even drop a few pounds or at least not gain any weight.
So with excitement I enter this fasting period and hope to come out the other side a better person.I guess ...we'll see about that too...
Happy Fasting......
First I want to start by saying fasting,although encouraged by the Orthodox Church is really a discipline not an order.
The church encourages its members to try and follow the fast to the best of their ability.Not everyone is able to follow strictly to the rules but that is why we have Spiritual Fathers to help us along our path to do the best we can.
During Lent we are called to change our selves and hopefully try to be better more Christian people.Fr.Peter says "if your going to fast and be cruel to others then you may as well eat the hamburger cause you haven't achieved anything." Words to live by.
So just changing our dietary consumption is not all there is to Lent we must also consider what we can do to help others even if its nothing more then smiling and listening to another persons whoas.You know its not all about us and our pain.It's so much more.
With that said it is also about our own spiritual growth.Every year I have several books I read nightly and try to follow up with meditation and prayer but I must tell you this year I feel very overwhelmed with all the things I want to do spiritually. It seems impossible for me to figure out where to place each thing through out my day.
This probably is not a bad thing because I also feel excited and can't wait to start each and every one of them and hopefully make them a habit...We'll see..
Food is a small thing in my spiritual life.I look at fasting like I look at a diet each day I try to follow the rules but in times of true weakness I will give in,I always do.Then the next day I will start over and give it another try.
Last year I tried to make myself eat better and if I was going to eat carbohydrates I tried for whole wheat and whole grain and added soy to my diet for replacement of milk products,its no milk but then its not suppose to be.
This year I will also try for more fruit and vegetables and if all works out well maybe I may even drop a few pounds or at least not gain any weight.
So with excitement I enter this fasting period and hope to come out the other side a better person.I guess ...we'll see about that too...
Happy Fasting......
Having Children Late In Life
This morning I heard of a study which shows autism is greater in parents past the age of 35 then in younger parents.This study says it is not just the mothers age but also the fathers age,though to a lesser extent, which helps to increase the incidence of autism,not that younger parents do not have this same problem.
Back before women had jobs and careers outside the home,Most woman married at a much younger age and since the point in marriages during say my mothers time was to procreate they had most of their children by their mid to late 30's.
With my generation came the pill,women's movement and emphasis on jobs and careers more then family life,many women chose to have their children later in life and opted for no more then two since we were also concerned about over population and the destruction of our resources.
Women at this time were told we could have it all and be good at it.A very large promise if you ask me.
Now my son generation,who are now in their thirties, were the result of my generation.With our need for it all they in turn are no longer opting for one child. Many are having three or more children but still at later ages and with the help of fertility drugs,borrowed sperm,eggs and surrogate mothers.
When ever we come up with the abilities to change Mother Nature we come up with issues.Things like fertility shots to increase egg production all have a price as we grow older.
God made our bodies to produce eggs and sperm at a certain age,there is a reason for us to have children in our twenties rather then our forties.
The marvels of medicine and the abilities of our doctors is nothing less then inspiring.With that said though not all things are meant for all people at every age group.
Just because we have the technology to have a child at say age 50 or 60 should we be doing this.With the averages of our children health being stacked against us every year we age,should some form of common sense be encouraged.
My grandmother had ten children her ninth child was mentally disabled with the abilities of a four year old.Although she was greatly loved by our family she also out lived both her parents,all her siblings and spent her last years living with my cousin.Luckily my Aunt came from a large family which could accommodate her through out her life.Back when she was born there was no place to send your disabled children to be educated or cared for in a proper,loving manner.
Every pregnancy involves risk.We are not guaranteed children with out problems nor should we be since all our children teach us and help us grow and appreciate the world around,like a special flower in a beautiful garden.
My mother was 38 years old when my sister was born.She weighed 2 pound 5 ounces and was born 4 months to Early.My sister spent months in the hospital in an incubator and due to the lights and oxygen has always had very poor eyesight.My mother almost hemorrhaged to death and needed several blood transfusions to keep her alive.
After my sister was born my parents decided it was time to stop having children.My father said "when the life of your spouse or child is at stake due to your age it is time to stop and be grateful for what you have not what you want."
He should know because his sister was mentally challenged and he understood the great measures his own patent's had to take to raise this special women.
I am a firm believer in common sense and just because you desire something does not always mean it is in the best interest of you or future generations.
Back before women had jobs and careers outside the home,Most woman married at a much younger age and since the point in marriages during say my mothers time was to procreate they had most of their children by their mid to late 30's.
With my generation came the pill,women's movement and emphasis on jobs and careers more then family life,many women chose to have their children later in life and opted for no more then two since we were also concerned about over population and the destruction of our resources.
Women at this time were told we could have it all and be good at it.A very large promise if you ask me.
Now my son generation,who are now in their thirties, were the result of my generation.With our need for it all they in turn are no longer opting for one child. Many are having three or more children but still at later ages and with the help of fertility drugs,borrowed sperm,eggs and surrogate mothers.
When ever we come up with the abilities to change Mother Nature we come up with issues.Things like fertility shots to increase egg production all have a price as we grow older.
God made our bodies to produce eggs and sperm at a certain age,there is a reason for us to have children in our twenties rather then our forties.
The marvels of medicine and the abilities of our doctors is nothing less then inspiring.With that said though not all things are meant for all people at every age group.
Just because we have the technology to have a child at say age 50 or 60 should we be doing this.With the averages of our children health being stacked against us every year we age,should some form of common sense be encouraged.
My grandmother had ten children her ninth child was mentally disabled with the abilities of a four year old.Although she was greatly loved by our family she also out lived both her parents,all her siblings and spent her last years living with my cousin.Luckily my Aunt came from a large family which could accommodate her through out her life.Back when she was born there was no place to send your disabled children to be educated or cared for in a proper,loving manner.
Every pregnancy involves risk.We are not guaranteed children with out problems nor should we be since all our children teach us and help us grow and appreciate the world around,like a special flower in a beautiful garden.
My mother was 38 years old when my sister was born.She weighed 2 pound 5 ounces and was born 4 months to Early.My sister spent months in the hospital in an incubator and due to the lights and oxygen has always had very poor eyesight.My mother almost hemorrhaged to death and needed several blood transfusions to keep her alive.
After my sister was born my parents decided it was time to stop having children.My father said "when the life of your spouse or child is at stake due to your age it is time to stop and be grateful for what you have not what you want."
He should know because his sister was mentally challenged and he understood the great measures his own patent's had to take to raise this special women.
I am a firm believer in common sense and just because you desire something does not always mean it is in the best interest of you or future generations.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Tears
We live in a world where tears are not encouraged.We are taught to get over our grief and move on.We have gotten so uneasy with the sight of someone crying we do not know what to do when we see tears and in some ways consider it a possible character weakness.
Back in the 1980's women would say "I want a sensitive man one who is not afraid to cry".I do not think this rings true today.
In the religious world tears are considered a good thing we can be said to have "the gift of tears".Some people during prayer,liturgy or meditations can begin to weep tears.They just roll down their faces or well up in their eyes.
It is such an important act that it is mentioned in the New Testament Twice that Jesus cried.First when his friend Lazarus died and next when he entered into Jerusalem and knew they were doomed.
Tears are a way of bringing what can not be said to light.It offers us as a real person and shows our true emotions.Nothing can speak louder then the silence of tears.
Jesus said when I make you well I will take your heart of stone and give you a heart of feeling.This does not mean just happy feelings it means deep soul searching emotional feelings.
Now being born not only a female but a French female tends to make my heart feel for many in very deep ways.I have days where I can actually say I feel the pain of others,I can feel many crying out in the world and this pain is settled in my heart.
Prayer usually helps me to diminish these feelings and sometimes meditation and tears help me feel what it is to have empathy with others.And although this can be a very draining experience it allows me to feel as if God has just shared with me a small piece of his all encompassing love for all of us.
We all have different gifts and as such God expects us to use them.I know that we all would like the gift of making money,But what is money? Its only paper,tears,on the other hand,are a part of our heart and soul and these are real and worth much more.
Back in the 1980's women would say "I want a sensitive man one who is not afraid to cry".I do not think this rings true today.
In the religious world tears are considered a good thing we can be said to have "the gift of tears".Some people during prayer,liturgy or meditations can begin to weep tears.They just roll down their faces or well up in their eyes.
It is such an important act that it is mentioned in the New Testament Twice that Jesus cried.First when his friend Lazarus died and next when he entered into Jerusalem and knew they were doomed.
Tears are a way of bringing what can not be said to light.It offers us as a real person and shows our true emotions.Nothing can speak louder then the silence of tears.
Jesus said when I make you well I will take your heart of stone and give you a heart of feeling.This does not mean just happy feelings it means deep soul searching emotional feelings.
Now being born not only a female but a French female tends to make my heart feel for many in very deep ways.I have days where I can actually say I feel the pain of others,I can feel many crying out in the world and this pain is settled in my heart.
Prayer usually helps me to diminish these feelings and sometimes meditation and tears help me feel what it is to have empathy with others.And although this can be a very draining experience it allows me to feel as if God has just shared with me a small piece of his all encompassing love for all of us.
We all have different gifts and as such God expects us to use them.I know that we all would like the gift of making money,But what is money? Its only paper,tears,on the other hand,are a part of our heart and soul and these are real and worth much more.
Memorial Service
This morning at the nursing home we will be holding a memorial service for a friend who was killed tragical given by her friend who felt it was just wrong to not help her be laid to rest,if only in our minds and hearts.
Last night after Adult Education I stopped at Big Y,the local grocery store,and picked up some pasty for after the service.This morning I took out my nurse cap sitting in it clear glass case,to bring with me,see the deceased was an RN and in the fire everything was lost.
I plan on setting up a table with some small snapshots of her,getting some flowers or plants together and putting my cap on the table in remembrance of her life,cut short.
Services are really for the living not the dead.The dead have moved on to hopefully bigger and better but the living need to say goodbye and come to some sort of peace be it of mind or heart and if lucky maybe both.
When St.Francis of Assisi was dying he asked to be stripped naked because he wanted to die owning nothing,just has Jesus had,but the head fairer said "Bother I order you to wear my garment since it is borrowed you will still own nothing." and so he died on the ground in a borrowed robe.
So I guess this service is also a borrow,since we do not have her body or any of her personal belongings.We will remember her with the things we allow her to borrow from us and in the end that's kind of a special thing.
Last night after Adult Education I stopped at Big Y,the local grocery store,and picked up some pasty for after the service.This morning I took out my nurse cap sitting in it clear glass case,to bring with me,see the deceased was an RN and in the fire everything was lost.
I plan on setting up a table with some small snapshots of her,getting some flowers or plants together and putting my cap on the table in remembrance of her life,cut short.
Services are really for the living not the dead.The dead have moved on to hopefully bigger and better but the living need to say goodbye and come to some sort of peace be it of mind or heart and if lucky maybe both.
When St.Francis of Assisi was dying he asked to be stripped naked because he wanted to die owning nothing,just has Jesus had,but the head fairer said "Bother I order you to wear my garment since it is borrowed you will still own nothing." and so he died on the ground in a borrowed robe.
So I guess this service is also a borrow,since we do not have her body or any of her personal belongings.We will remember her with the things we allow her to borrow from us and in the end that's kind of a special thing.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Adult Education
Tonight in Adult education class at St. Micheal we learned about the standings of the church on issues like homosexuality,transsexuals and sex changes.
Now we all know where the Orthodox and most other churches stand on these subject.Basically "just say no".
OK. now that's how the church it self feels but we as Christians are called to love and understand our neighbors.As Fr. Peter always says "we are not here to judge and we need to hate the sin not the sinner".
We live in a fallen world and as such we are all fallen in our own way.With that said we can not denounce our brothers and sisters and not look at our own sins.
True our church gives us leadership and if this was a perfect world we would not face these sorts of issues but not being a perfect person myself I can not expect anyone else to be perfect.
When you choose to join a religon it is understood that it comes with rules,regulations and guidelines.These things help us to try and put our best selves forward.Showing the world that being a christian means something.Its not just a word its a lifestyle.
Now some of us have less trouble with certain rules then others but in the end we are to strive to make our corrections in our lives and try as hard as we can to get back on the right path.
Father says "if we come to confession and do not really believe what we are confessing or do not feel sorry for what we did then we have just wasted our time".
So what do we do? We do the best we can. We love our neighbor,be understanding to each other and realize we are all human and will fall down repeatedly.The important part is are we willing to get up and try again.
Now we all know where the Orthodox and most other churches stand on these subject.Basically "just say no".
OK. now that's how the church it self feels but we as Christians are called to love and understand our neighbors.As Fr. Peter always says "we are not here to judge and we need to hate the sin not the sinner".
We live in a fallen world and as such we are all fallen in our own way.With that said we can not denounce our brothers and sisters and not look at our own sins.
True our church gives us leadership and if this was a perfect world we would not face these sorts of issues but not being a perfect person myself I can not expect anyone else to be perfect.
When you choose to join a religon it is understood that it comes with rules,regulations and guidelines.These things help us to try and put our best selves forward.Showing the world that being a christian means something.Its not just a word its a lifestyle.
Now some of us have less trouble with certain rules then others but in the end we are to strive to make our corrections in our lives and try as hard as we can to get back on the right path.
Father says "if we come to confession and do not really believe what we are confessing or do not feel sorry for what we did then we have just wasted our time".
So what do we do? We do the best we can. We love our neighbor,be understanding to each other and realize we are all human and will fall down repeatedly.The important part is are we willing to get up and try again.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Antiques
Tuesday morning I awoke,rolled over in bed and looked at my alarm clock.9:50 am!
How could this be? Is my clock broken? I could not even remember the last time I slept this late.Suddenly it all come back to me.
The day before,Monday morning I called my friend Laura to join me for breakfast and a little girl talk.
So after picking her up,running some errands then finally getting to the restaurant. We sat down and did what girls do best,talked about our families and friends.
For some reason our conversation turned to oil and water paintings.
I told her how Putnam Ct.was becoming very artsy and hanging around this small Main Street town was becoming fun.
With this in mind,we decided to head to Putnam to walk the small stores and admire the view.
We parked by the train station and headed to "The Victoria Cafe" so I could show her my dream coffee house.Inside its multi levels where arm chairs,old fashioned Victorian sofas and three electrical fireplaces.
Then came its eye catching large wooden coffee bar with mouth watering pastries under glass covers.Now that's a coffee cafe.
As we walked out the door the wind began to pick up,So we decided to head to the corner antique store,which I knew Laura would appreciate as much as I.
Inside we walked passed the first floor went straight up the stairs to the second floor for an antiquers dream.
Here in front of us stood two floors jammed pack with antiques... everywhere...
You name it and chances are you would see it. Everything from paintimgs to Victrolas,furniture to a wooden bathtub.
As we admired the photographs lining the stairwell one picture in particular stood out.It was of a young girl, during the 1900's, with a new hat near a mirror.The caption read "A picture of a girl with a new hat".
My how times have changed! Imagine having a picture taken after buying a new hat.How special this hat must have been to her.You knew from this picture that this hat would last a lifetime.Not something to be thrown in a closet and forgotten about but truly lovingly taken care of.Probably put in a special hat box to be worn with a pretty hat pin.Imagine her pride wearing her pretty bustled dress showing it off at all her special functions maybe even wearing it to church on Sundays for all to view and admire.
After what seemed like an hour we decided it was time for lunch and much to our surprise the clock on the wall read 3:45 pm,we had not been there for one hour but for almost three hours.
Funny how the best days are the ones you don't plan but the ones you allow yourself to be absorbed by.
How could this be? Is my clock broken? I could not even remember the last time I slept this late.Suddenly it all come back to me.
The day before,Monday morning I called my friend Laura to join me for breakfast and a little girl talk.
So after picking her up,running some errands then finally getting to the restaurant. We sat down and did what girls do best,talked about our families and friends.
For some reason our conversation turned to oil and water paintings.
I told her how Putnam Ct.was becoming very artsy and hanging around this small Main Street town was becoming fun.
With this in mind,we decided to head to Putnam to walk the small stores and admire the view.
We parked by the train station and headed to "The Victoria Cafe" so I could show her my dream coffee house.Inside its multi levels where arm chairs,old fashioned Victorian sofas and three electrical fireplaces.
Then came its eye catching large wooden coffee bar with mouth watering pastries under glass covers.Now that's a coffee cafe.
As we walked out the door the wind began to pick up,So we decided to head to the corner antique store,which I knew Laura would appreciate as much as I.
Inside we walked passed the first floor went straight up the stairs to the second floor for an antiquers dream.
Here in front of us stood two floors jammed pack with antiques... everywhere...
You name it and chances are you would see it. Everything from paintimgs to Victrolas,furniture to a wooden bathtub.
As we admired the photographs lining the stairwell one picture in particular stood out.It was of a young girl, during the 1900's, with a new hat near a mirror.The caption read "A picture of a girl with a new hat".
My how times have changed! Imagine having a picture taken after buying a new hat.How special this hat must have been to her.You knew from this picture that this hat would last a lifetime.Not something to be thrown in a closet and forgotten about but truly lovingly taken care of.Probably put in a special hat box to be worn with a pretty hat pin.Imagine her pride wearing her pretty bustled dress showing it off at all her special functions maybe even wearing it to church on Sundays for all to view and admire.
After what seemed like an hour we decided it was time for lunch and much to our surprise the clock on the wall read 3:45 pm,we had not been there for one hour but for almost three hours.
Funny how the best days are the ones you don't plan but the ones you allow yourself to be absorbed by.
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